The Guest House

I will have her.....I will!!

2010-10-02T19:52:00.005-05:00

Okay, I know that it is of questionable sanity to lust after a cartoon character, but I do. She is Queen Of The Dragons and her name is Alexstrasza and I love her. I do! In fact, I took a picture with her today. That's me on the left, my death knight, Taraa. My future cartoon love is on the right. Don't laugh, I will have her!! I WILL!

Phoenix Viewer

2010-09-08T11:20:00.002-05:00

Well, in the never ending saga that is Emerald and third party viewers, one of the Emerald team has formed a group that is producing a new (based on Emerald) viewer called The Phoenix Viewer.

My previous post talked about the Emergence Viewer, which was created by LordGregGreg, from Emerald. Phoenix is much the same, and LGG has joined the Phoenix team. I'm guessing that he will no longer work on Emergence and will focus his energy on Phoenix. I have not tried Phoenix yet, but will do so later this week. I have friends who say it's pretty much the same as Emergence, which is not surprising.

On a side note, as of now, Emerald will no longer be allowed to connect to SL, so we're all going to have to find alternatives. I'm guessing that Phoenix will be mine, but I also want to check out another viewer called Ascent. Details forthcoming. :-)

Emergence

2010-09-01T10:49:00.004-05:00

My previous posts detailed why I'm looking at alternatives to the Emerald Viewer. This last week, LordGregGreg, one of the trusted developers who left Emerald in disgust, released his version of the Emerald Viewer, called Emergence. This viewer is basically Emerald, except that he has removed some of the things that he found distasteful in Emerald, and also added some things he found useful. The download can be found here: Emergence Viewer and the download itself is in the right column of the page.

I would like to say, after you download it, please don't judge the viewer on the default skin. While I kind of like black and red, the icons bugged me, so I switched skins to something more palatable. There are quite a few skins to choose from, so don't be turned off because of the default skin. All your favorite Emerald extras are here, including the build tools, double click teleports, the fab radar, and of course, jiggly tits. :-)

I'm glad that LGG has given us this, and if you're an Emerald person, this is probably the viewer you want to use. Enjoy!

It wouldn't be Imprudence at this juncture....

2010-08-23T13:11:00.005-05:00

Well over a year ago, I started hearing about a new viewer called Emerald. Up to that point I had always, with few exceptions, used the Release Client viewer that LL released. I had heard many good things about Emerald, including features that were very functional, and some aesthetically pleasing as well. I tried it and loved it, and I never went back to the LL viewer.

Well, a few weeks ago, I started reading about some issues that Modular Systems, the makers of Emerald, were having. Or I should say, they were creating issues. I read with interest as a number of people were making claims about a lot of Emeralds developers. Allegedly, some of these developers were banned from SL for copybotting, griefing and similar activities. It seems that LL knew that they were in charge of making this viewer and had considered them reformed and let them go. Part of this, obviously, has to do with the enormous popularity of Emerald, and the incredible revulsion many have for LL's own Viewer 2.0.

As I continued reading over the last weeks, I came to feel that many of these "whistle blowers" who made these claims about the Emerald devs had axes to grind with them. It also came to light that most of these people were themselves banned by LL as well, for...you guessed it....copybotting and griefing. Oh, the irony. So, what to do in all this confusion of he said, she said, NO YOUUU!!?

I kept using Emerald for the time being. There were two people still working on Emerald who I, and most others, still trusted: Chalice and LordGregGreg. Until I had a definitive answer on what was going on I felt no need to make any changes. At this point, the issues being discussed were regarding a project called Onyx, which was a bot of some sort used to scan SL for who knows what purpose. CDS was another project that was used to identify alts based on IP addresses gathered from parcels using media settings, and this information was sold to creators as a tool to ban any avatar shown to be wearing stolen content, as well as banning any alts using the same IP. Many people were upset about this for various reasons, one of which was that the system itself was very flawed. Finally, there was an issue of a library installed in Emerald, and you'll have to forgive my lack of technical prowess on this, that was questioned by some of the devs and allegedly removed. While the library's intended use is benign, some had suspected that it was being used differently and was discovered again in Emerald. The dev was told it was removed again, but was again discovered in the viewer, and said developer was then prevented access to that portion of the viewer. That developer then left the team and posted on his blog that he could not in good conscience work at Emerald any more. Lordgreggreg's blog and that entry is here: LordGregGreg's Blog

At this point, I was starting to search for another viewer. The end for me came a few days ago, when it was discovered that the leader of Emerald, Fractured Crystal, had basically put code in to the viewer that directed everyone using Emerald to visit a web page upon logging in to SL. We didn't see it, but it happened. This is basically a Denial Of Service attack which is illegal and punishable by law, although due to the scale of the attack, will not happen. Shortly after this, Chalice Yao, probably the last grownup to work on Emerald, and someone very well liked and respected, left the team in disgust. The next day, I downloaded a few viewers and will test them out.

That being said, I doubt I will have to look much further. I have since started using Imprudence and, although it's not as good, in my opinion, as Emerald, it's very good and stable and I think my journeys on SL will be taken in this viewer.

I would encourage everyone to consider using a viewer other than Emerald. Although Fractured has since stepped down, I definitely do not trust them with my SL password, and I will not use Emerald any longer.

New WoW UI :-D

2010-07-21T22:56:00.002-05:00

I'm Back, Baby!!

2010-03-18T13:09:00.003-05:00

Yeah, I know. You'll believe it when you see it. My last return was one post. I get your skepticism, and I personally share it.

But, for today, I am blogging. I've decided to make some changes in my life. I've not blogged about it, but I've been obsessively playing World Of Warcraft, which has led to much less time in Second Life and some shirking of RL obligations, as well. I've been in a total holding pattern in my life, except for the leveling of multiple characters in WoW. As a person in recovery, still possessing very addictive behavior patterns, this is not abnormal, for me or others like me. The only problem arises when I fail to recognize and deal with it in a timely basis.

So, I am here and I have not played WoW yet today. What I did do was wake up, have some water first (my caffeine addiction is kicking in again,) and then had some coffee. I actually went outside and drank some with the dogs. Then I came inside and actually did a short yoga session and meditated! I know! It's shocking! And now I'm blogging? The world may very well be in shock from my behavior today.

I'm actually overwhelmed at what I need to do to catch up in my life right now, but really, when I simplify things, I just need to do a few things each day and within a month, change will be noticeable.

One thing will be changing here. I am going to add another blog for now. The new one will replace my old whitesail.org blog. I will use this blog for only SL posts, so likely most of my blogging will be on the other new blog. I first have to find the perfect title for it. Much of what I will write about will be spiritual matters. I will also be posting more on my Savoy blog. I will be writing more about music and jazz and musicians and the Savoy itself. I would like to see my career manifest itself in music and jazz, so that is a logical and important step for me.

Anyway, I have to take care of some things in RL now, so I will leave you with this. I thank all of you who are my friends, for just being you and staying with me. I've been a bit of a recluse from SL lately. It's a combination of things, including WoW obsession, being burnt out in SL, and just plain isolating, which is an addicts best (unhelpful) friend. I am, however, moving forward again, and we'll see where this takes me. Take care.

Yeah, yeah, yeah......I'm lazy. Sue me!!

2009-11-04T10:57:00.003-06:00

I haven't blogged forever. I know. I started working, and summer yardwork, and other stuff, and laziness....and...stuff.

I am, however, making a concerted effort to start blogging again. So what's new in the life of Crighton?

Well, I'm still DJing, but not as much. I'm still running The Savoy Jazz Club and that's been more of a challenge over the last few months due to some turnover and changes. I also am planning on making The Savoy Blog a regular thing, too. Marco Island has also been more of a challenge lately, due to the softness of the land market in SL. I'm still in good shape, but haven't been at 100% capacity for some time now. With the changing season, I'm guessing that should change for the better soon. My alt is still having more fun than me, but that's nothing new. ;-)

My entire life, RL and SL, has become somewhat stagnant. RL gravity has been weighing on me and I have not handled it as well as I could have, but it is what it is. What is important is that I'm taking positive steps to change, and this post is one of those steps. This post is not too informative and not too enlightening, but it is just an update and a harbinger of things to come, hopefully.

I still believe wholeheartedly, that SL is a mirror. I have a theory, however, that SL does not just mirror RL, but that I can use my SL as a catalyst to make things happen in RL. Symbols, archetypes, intent and desire, all come together to create.

Let's see what happens next!

Celebrity Collage by MyHeritage

2009-09-09T20:47:00.001-05:00

MyHeritage: Family tree - Genealogy - Celebrity - Collage - Morph

Second Life Today

2009-04-08T15:06:00.003-05:00

Today, I am enjoying Second Life. I really am. I've cut back some, except for the Savoy celebration last week. I'm on as Crighton more than I have been in some time. Things are pretty smooth as far as my "duties" go. Marco is at capacity, so the only thing I have to do with it for now is the occasional security system issue. Savoy basically runs itself, with minor financial chores per week. I am excited to furnish and decorate both C and A's places in the coming week, and that's about it.

So why am I having fun? I'm hanging with my friends, spinning tunes and just dicking around. Oh, and baseball started, which gives me something outside of SL to enjoy.

I think too, that taking care of myself spiritually in RL helps a bit too, huh?

:-D

Simplify!!

2009-04-03T11:38:00.003-05:00

I have curtailed my vast and somewhat insane list of projects. I think do to stress and must plain nuttiness, I was looking to keep myself busy to keep from dealing with life. In the last couple weeks, I've made strides on actually dealing with things, so these other ventures have become unnecessary. Maybe in the future, but not now.

I sold all of Aeryn's mainland and gave up the rental business. I'm not concerned with adding products to her shop for now. If I'm going to rent store space though, I will have to do something. So, for now, I am managing Marco Island and the Savoy, and DJing probably too much, at least until I find RL work.

I'm feeling quite a bit better about stuff now. :-)

I've Lost It!!

2009-03-21T14:23:00.003-05:00

Seriously.....

I know as of this moment, I'm unemployed, mostly by choice....but damn.

If you're confused, I'll get to the point. I'm busy in SL....very busy. Don't get me wrong, cause I'm having alot of fun with new ventures, but....here's my SL.

I DJ as Crighton eight gigs a week, at two to three hours a show. I also run Marco Island. I also run The Savoy Jazz Club. As Aeryn, I have as shop that sells shapes and am looking at other possibilities as well. And my newest venture is renting skyboxes above mainland, however, this is small scale as of now. I do hope to grow the rental business, though.

So, what the hell? I enter into new ventures, and then wonder why I am doing it. Hmmmmmmm.

The DJing I love, since I truly love music. I had a great week this week, and by that I don't necessarily mean that my gigs were packed (some of them were,) or that I made alot of money (I did okay,) but rather the people that were there had a blast and I felt that I spread some joy. And that is what music is for me. If I can do that, then I'm very happy. :-)

Running the Savoy has been a joy as well, as it is music related. All my DJs, artists and hosts are exceptionally professional and I really don't have much to do, other than lead by example and give support. The actually work is minimal, for the most part. Running Marco Island is about the same, as the sim is fully rented as of now. The only real work is attending to minor issues like malfunctioning security units, and listing rentals if someone moves out.

Aeryn's shop and her rental business are where some work comes into play, as this requires some time and effort to get off the ground. I guess the worst case scenario is that if it requires too much time and energy, I'll bag it and move on. It's not like I really need this, but it is fun! :-)

The one thing I need to keep in mind is how this infringes on my SL relationships and friendships. Simply put, the people are what is important here, and if I can remember that, then I will be fine, no matter what the rest of my SL brings me.

Marco Island blog

2009-03-10T11:47:00.005-05:00

I haven't done much with it yet, but I have started a blog for Marco Island, which is the Sim I recently came to own. Home to The Savoy Jazz Club, The Bistro Olive, Joell's Deelights Shops and mikki's Licks, Marco Island is a truly wonderful place I am happy to call home.

More to come. ;-)

Two Year Reflections.....

2009-02-27T10:22:00.008-06:00

It was two years ago that Crighton Johin first rezzed his noobie ass in SL.

Jenda and I joined about the same time, and as noobs, we wandered aimlessly, fascinated by SL and what we found. We were both looking for things that interested us, both together and on our own. I found the live music scene and AA and was hooked. This is particularly amusing considering when I joined it was only for Jen to get a referral fee reward. Honestly, I was getting bored, but after finding the music and AA, I realized that SL was much more than I bargained for.

After a long time as wandering around as a newbie, I eventually succumbed to the lure of a nice skin and my appearance evolved over the months to something a bit more handsome. I fell in love and was amazed at the bond that we could make in SL. I also found out first hand that the pains of relationships in SL are just as real as in RL. My love of music and my frustration at finding decent internet radio stations led me to the art of SL DJing, thanks to friends who pushed and mentored me. (hugs to Jocelyn) This led to a new level of socializing, that in RL was unheard of for me. I settled into my life as a SL DJ and loved it. Not only did I have the awesome privilege of playing music I actually liked (I was horrified at the thought of playing pop music,) but I actually made some decent money doing so. Getting paid for doing something I love? This was definitely better than RL!

Along the way, my life got busy and complicated and being a solitary person, I was having a hard time dealing with the rigors of being *gasps* somewhat popular, so I decided to create an alt. By this time, I had become quite curious about the female avatar and decided to create an alt that was female. Thus, Aeryn was born. Quite quickly, she became a relatively big part of my SL. She spent my money and eventually became my favorite avatar to use during free time. I'm sure much speculation ensued about me and my Aeryn *grins* but there was really nothing perverted or nefarious about her. She shopped and danced and eventually opened up her own shape shop. Yes, I found out that I had an eye for proportion that some don't have, and tried to capitalize on that. I ran out of gas on that venture, but still have the shop open and may do something with it in the future. Most of my friends now know about Aeryn and I think they humor me and my double life and I love them for it.

Last year, Bill Mondegreen and I talked about jazz and opening up a jazz club. Bill built and and was instrumental in it's opening. I merely showed up and spun jazz on a regular basis. I was amazed that we actually garnered a following that grew steadily. Bill eventually had some RL issues to deal with and the management of the club fell on me. We steadily added more gigs, blues and jazz. We added a couple fabulous female live vocalists to sing and our traffic grew. I can now say, without hesitation, that the Savoy is a success and is, in my opinion, the best jazz and blues club in SL. I am honored to be working with the DJs, hosts, and performers we have at the Savoy. And is it really working if I have a blast?

Next up on my thrilling ride through SL fun and insanity was Aeryn's turn to the dark side. Yes, she became a vampire. As if I needed something else to occupy my time, while looking innocently for a nice pair of fangs, Aeryn was seduced to the dark side by a handsome Frenchman with pointy teeth. No, there was no funny business, just some neck biting....lol. Immersing myself into Bloodlines with Aeryn pushed me to a whole new level of socializing and I found myself having fun helping.....newbies? Yes, that's right. A vampire with a heart of gold. :-) Don't get me wrong, she still wants your soul, but I found that through BL, I ran into more newbies than every before, and used the opportunity for good, rather than collecting souls. Don't forget though, Aeryn still wants your soul.

Next on the winding road that is SL, Marco Island was dropped in my lap. Yes, I now own a sim, which brings with it a whole new set of responsibilities and pressures, not the least of which is real life money. Things have been good so far and I think I've done well with it. I try to keep a healthy balance between being fair to my fellow Islanders and being smart with rent so I'm not left owing money. We haven't changed much, but we're looking at improvements and ways to help us all in our endeavors.

So last night, we had a two year rez day party for me. Kimala did such a good job setting it up and I had a blast. I let my ego run wild and played some of my favorite rock music, and I hope I didn't run anyone off. ;-) And through all this post, I have not even talked about the most important aspect of SL, at least for me. Friends. That will be my next blog entry, as I've already gone on and on here. But I've been so fortunate in my SL to have found the absolute best bunch of people that I call friends. Second Life has had a set of pitfalls that I've stepped in, including my obsessive/addictive nature. I've also been struggling with the whole concept of doing something I love in RL, rather than just in SL. It has shown me how dissatisfied I am in my RL career, or lack thereof. But that is something I will have to deal with.

In the mean time, I love Second Life and my friends there. Considering that I was there only temporarily, it's turned out to be quite some trip....dare I say a long strange trip?

Savoy Jazz Club Blog!!

2009-02-18T12:29:00.006-06:00

After much thinking, I finally decided to do it! I have created a Savoy Jazz Club blog named.....get ready.... The Savoy Jazz Club. :-)

I've been wanting to do a Savoy blog entry for awhile, but just haven't got around to it. Finally, I decided that I should do a Savoy blog where we can post about events, and I could post about some of the jazz artists that I admire so much. The Savoy has rekindled a love for jazz that started in the eighties for me. When I was in college, I roomed with some guys, one of whom listened to a lot of electric jazz and fusion. I eventually came to love this music that was new to me, but it wasn't until I discovered album by Wynton Marsalis, who at that time was a teenager. At first, I thought I had gone too far. Acoustic straight ahead jazz is what it was, and the only person I had ever heard play it before was my dad. I played it for my friends and was met with what can only be described as complete indifference and almost horror.

I was intrigued and delighted, however, and I kept delving in to the genre, finding Miles Davis, John Coltrane and Billie Holiday, among others. I was in the midst of my addiction and something about jazz resonated with me, much as what happened with Blues music at the same time. I didn't know it at the time, but blues was deep inside jazz, and there is no separating the two. I eventually lost most of my records as casualties to my alcoholism and addiction, but when I got sober I started picking them up again in CD form. Eventually though, I lost interest in jazz for almost a decade.

Enter Bill Mondegreen and the Savoy, and what was a smoldering ember ignited. I found friends who shared my love. I found that there were a lot of people who loved the same music I did and were grateful for the Savoy and what we did there. I now am fortunate enough to almost break even, to have the best DJs in SL work with me, and to have two of the finest singers in SL grace our presence on a regular basis. You will read more about these wonderful spirits in the Savoy Blog, as well as hearing from them, I hope. And I would be remiss without mentioning our hosts and hostesses who humor our massive DJ egos and work with us, making the Savoy a home and sanctuary away from the rigors and dreariness of everyday life.

Finally, The Savoy Jazz Club is first and foremost about the music. We don't have sploders and contests, as fun as those can be. We have music. We have what I consider to be the best music in SL on a consistent basis. We have friendly and witty hosts who absolutely crack me up, and also have an understanding and appreciation of the music. While I manage the Savoy, I really don't do an awful lot. My only instruction to the DJs is play the music you love and have fun. If they, and I include myself, do this, we will find our audience and we will have fun doing so. While playing popular music is cool and fun, do we really need to hear Crazy Bitch again? I love going to Ogg's gig and hearing Derek Trucks or John Scofield. I love going to Cat's gig and hearing Rickie Lee Jones and Big Bad Voodoo Daddy. I love going to Iso's gig and hearing Ronnie Earl. I love going to bigd's gig and hearing Jimi and Johnny Winter cuts I've never heard before. Music. Jazz. Blues. The Savoy Jazz & Blues Club.

What you're missing.....

2009-02-11T11:07:00.002-06:00

...if you're watching the Sopranos on A&E. This is not safe for viewing at work or in the presence of children or any type of fundamentalist. Behold the beauty of my favorite word.....

the sopranos, uncensored. from victor solomon on Vimeo.

I pledge....

2009-01-20T09:08:00.001-06:00

MySpace Celebrity and Katalyst present The Presidential Pledge

Back to reality....

2009-01-06T09:34:00.006-06:00

Well....My fantasy of not ever having to work in RL has come to an end, and I must devote a fair chunk of my time to finding a job quickly, and then actually going to work. *sighs* The last weeks have been fun....and a complete waste of valuable time. I have blown a chance to get started on some things that I wish I would have. In fairness to me, I wasn't clear on what I wanted to do in the first place, so possibly this was an incubation period. The vague description of what I'm shooting for is graphics and web design, but obviously I have a lot to learn. I'd like to eventually ply my trade in music somehow, preferably in blues and jazz. We'll see...

Speaking of jazz, we have a fabulous New Year's Eve at the Bistro and Savoy last week, starting with bigd at the Bistro, and ending with Oggden, me, Nina and Iso/Hy at the Savoy. We had a ton of great music at the Bistro, and I even got to do my first Cowboy Junkies set, which was fun for me. Bigd was rocking the house most of the morning and afternoon, along with Tali, Ogg and I.

At 6pm, the party moved to the Savoy, where Ogg took the stream with a fabulous set of fusion and jazz. After that, Nina and I traded off with me spinning and her singing, and the house band was just pumping!! Kimala pulled out her U2 signature guitar, while me and Aeryn provided the rhythm to back her. The highlight of the evening was when Hy and Isobela shared the stream for a hilariously fun and touching evening of blues, together for the first time...again....heee. By coming "out of the closet" as a RL couple, they provided laughs and great music for the next couple hours until we all collapsed with exhaustion. All in all, it was a fabulous evening and a great way to bring in the new year.

And it is a new year....2009. While the last year, in some respects, has seemed to be somewhat of a failure for me, in RL particularly, I have to pick up and move on. I have to learn from these failures and see what are the lessons in them, and possibly find out that there are no failures, but only learning experiences. Hills, valleys and plateaus....that when viewed without judgement, provide the beautiful landscape of my life.

I will probably not have as much time to devote to Aeryn and her vampiric ways, but I hope to have some time now and then to engage in her little "hobby." You never know when you're going to end up in a bird cage, high above a frozen lake, captured by aliens...wondering when you'll be able to taste the sweet red essence of a fresh human.....*sighs* Fortunately she escaped to roam, yet again. She also went to a wonderful wedding of a vampire friend, that was truly the most beautiful wedding I've been to yet. And yes, I'm aware that I've traded pronouns and am possibly confused. :-P Confusion is part of my charm, Yo!

So, the end of a chapter and the beginning of a new one. Exciting and scary and exhausting. What shall I create in this life of mine? Because, that is what it is....creation.....without limitations.

What Card Am I?

2009-01-05T12:13:00.001-06:00

You are The Magician

Skill, wisdom, adaptation. Craft, cunning, depending on dignity.

Eleoquent and charismatic both verbally and in writing,
you are clever, witty, inventive and persuasive.

The Magician is the male power of creation, creation by willpower and desire. In that ancient sense, it is the ability to make things so just by speaking them aloud. Reflecting this is the fact that the Magician is represented by Mercury. He represents the gift of tongues, a smooth talker, a salesman. Also clever with the slight of hand and a medicine man - either a real doctor or someone trying to sell you snake oil.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

2008-11-11T08:13:00.002-06:00

Okay, I guess its time for another getting to know you type of blogging activity. Five questions, you only tag three other people. Lets go shall we :)

What’s your favorite saying?
What part of your personality do you wish not to pass on to your child?
While driving, what’s your biggest pet peeve?
If you could change your name, what would it be?
What’s the best excuse you’ve ever heard?

1.) I have a couple Buffy gestures I'm fond of, namely "Hi, I'm an enormous slut!" and "I'm very seldom naughty...."

2.) Procrastination or indecisiveness.....not sure which. ;-) Or maybe lack of discipline. So many.....lol.

3.) Other drivers? What drives me nuts is the complete lack of some people to use common courtesy. They appear to think that there is no one else on the rode and drive that way.

4.) RL or SL? If I could change my SL name it would only be to spell Crichton correctly....wife's fault there..lol. RL? I'm okay with my RL name....although I always liked Duncan since my Dune days.

5.) God told me to do it.....this includes the Bible or any voice in head that says "Shoot his person" or "bomb that clinic." Yeah sure....that's your limited ego, buddy. Enjoy your time in the slammer with Big Bubba, okay? Oh, and "I invited Sen. Obama to engage in Town Hall meetings across the country and he refused, so I absolutely had to run slanderous ads that were complete lies."

Okay...that's it for me!!

Looking For A Leader.....

2008-11-05T08:39:00.002-06:00

.....and I think we found him.

I've been tagged....

2008-10-29T11:41:00.003-05:00

I've been tagged by Joonie. Seems like a fun lil' thing to do.....

Here are the rules:
1. Link to the person that tagged you
2. Post the rules on your blog
3. Share 6 non-important/habits/quirks about yourself
4. Tag 6 random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs
5. Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website
6. Let your tagger know when your entry is up

1) I can eat a pint of Ben & Jerry's or Hagan Daaz without breaking a sweat. In fact, I have to force myself to NOT eat the whole damn thing in one shot. Chocolate Peanut Butter and Wavy Gravy are (were in the case of WG...no longer made) my favorites. And, NO, I do not weigh 600 lbs!

2) I was, at one time, very interested in the occult and magick and actually started studying The Golden Dawn, but didn't have enough time and energy to devote to it. And, NO, it's not devil worshipping or anything like that. :-D

3) I am somewhat obsessive in that I tend to do certain things the same way over and over again. It's nice as far as efficiency goes, as long as everything stays the same. Unfortunately, things change and then I'm thrown into a quandary of learning a new routine...lol.

4) I never really saw the reason for owning a PC until someone I knew found out about a concert that I was interested in. At that point, I realized that they could have useful purposes. After buying my first computer, I promptly joined the Sarah McLachlan internet mailing list and proceeded to meet who is now my wife, move to Omaha and start a family. Computers are a trip, huh?

5) I was a vegetarian for a very long time, until my Sarah McLachlan listening, meat-eating wife corrupted me to being a carnivore again. :-P

6) I procrastinate in way that would boggle your mind....about stupid shit. Important shit, too, I guess. There is at least fifteen other things I should be doing now. :-D

Okay...that's it. I'm going to tag bigd, Blissie, Kimala, Parker, Bradley, and Yordie!

Why So Many Pet Peeves?

2008-10-25T12:58:00.002-05:00

I was browsing the SL forums the other day, and something struck me. There is a lot of shit that bugs people. I mean, stuff that to me seems quite unimportant that other people just do not tolerate.

*Hoo's, howling and gestures in general.
*Vampires/Bloodlines
*Unsolicited group invites
*LM/notecard givers on parcels/shops
*Alts
*Furries
*DJs that don't talk
*Djs that talk too much
*ASCI gesture spam
*Any type of RP

....and on and on and on.

Some of this stuff I do. I Hoo! I admit it. Most of my friends Hoo! Sometimes we get carried away. I guess I fail to see what is so bad about it. Same thing with howling. It's kind of a show that we're having fun and since most of this occurs at clubs, we ARE having fun. So why does this bother people? If you're in a RL club and having fun and let out a whoop or two, is that wrong? I have come to the conclusion that some people really do not want to have fun. Gestures? They can be a riot, when used properly. I love a few of my gestures, especially my Buffy gestures. :-) The one thing above that does bother me are the large ASCI gestures that take up a whole screen. I am not a fan of those, but while they may be a bit irritating, how big a deal is it really? A LM giver? Oh man, you mean I have to click Decline to not accept it? Man, what a bother. That's way too much work for me. *sighs* Same thing with group invites. I get them all the time. It's a simple decision. Do I want it, or don't I? Spam is when I get penis enlargement emails from someone I've never met before. A group invite I receive from frequenting a club or store I have visited and if I enjoy my visit, I'm happy to accept a group invite if I can fit it in my 25 groups.

All the serious stuff going on in our world today......financial upheavel, wars and death, etc....with all that, how is a vampire asking me to bite them going to be such a big deal that it would make me spout hatred and stupidity? This is SL, and it's not really a bite. If Hoo's bother you that much, mute the offender or leave the club. But remember this: If little shit like that bothers you, who's next? Because you can't make everyone behave the way you would like them to behave. Ramana Maharshi said, "Rather than cover the earth with leather to walk on, it's easier to make shoes for my feet." What that means, if little shit bugs me, maybe it's a sign I have some issues I need to work on.

Mirrors

2008-10-22T14:54:00.008-05:00

People always ask, What is Second Life? For every person answering, there is a different answer. I suppose that this is because SL is just a different life. My answer is that Second Life is a mirror of RL. Some would argue that, "No, my SL is different. I do RP and my SL is not at all like my RL." On the surface that could be true, but I believe that we bring ourselves into SL and that if there is something that appears to be vastly different, it may be something that is within is that we have not noticed before.
I have an alt named Aeryn, and I am obviously not a female. I am not confused about my sexuality, but I created this alt and found a part of me that enjoyed it immensely. I'm a firm believer that we have aspects of male AND female within us, and it behooves us to acknowledge them both. I believe that is what meant by the Biblical passage that a man shouldn't sleep with males means that we should not stay to close to only our gender....that we should embrace the female within us, or viceversa.
I usually am more apt to be found doing something more spiritual with Aeryn than Crighton, as Crighton is usually more social. This week I was looking for Asian/oriental stuff and found my way to Buddha Art in SL. That is where the first two pics were taken. The second two were taken at a Japanese skybox that I've fallen in love with. Meditation is a big part of my spiritual life and it is reflected in many of my choices to decorate the places I've lived in. I always have meditation cushions and Buddhas and I love my tai chi balls, too!
So SL mirrors my real life. That is obvious, as you'll find me listening to live music or hanging at clubs that play the music I love. My SL work is DJing and playing the music I love for people who have found it enjoyable, also. And I also find myself drawn to anything spiritual and zen. If I had a sim, I would make it something very spiritual and would hope to have classes and groups made to join together. One of my dreams in RL and SL. Yet another mirror.

What is my point here? Well, other than an observation, my point is that I have always wanted to use SL as a catalyst to do some things in RL that I either have not been able to achieve, or that maybe I didn't realize were within the realm of possibility, until I saw that possibility arise in SL. A RL career in music and/or healing? Being more social and a better friend? Creating my own reality, and by this I mean CREATING my life anew. These are all thoughts that arose from past training and learning, and also from seeds that seem to have been fertilized by SL itself. Mirrors, indeed.

Alts And The Games They Play

2008-10-16T10:59:00.003-05:00

First off, yes, I do have an alt. There was a time that Aeryn was pretty much a secret to most everyone. The reason for this I've mentioned in a previous blog entry, but, short and sweet, I wanted an alt to help find some quiet time on the grid due to various reasons. Also, to be honest, I created a female alt, because I had changed gender as Crighton and found it oddly fascinating. When my alt was pretty much a secret, I rarely brought her around to places and people I knew, because it felt uncomfortable to me. I felt like I was being dishonest and sneaky. It especially felt funny to me when I had male friends get "friendly" with Aeryn. I placed myself in their shoes and didn't like it one bit. So I kept away. Over a period of months, I let more and more friends in on my eccentric little "secret" and finally outed Aeryn on this blog. I also pretty much let all my close friends know about her, and didn't make much of an effort to keep it secret anymore. When I go somewhere, as Aeryn, that Crighton frequents, most people there know me. If someone gets friendly and I know them as Crighton, I tell them who I am, apologize for any weirdness and move on from there. In other words, I try to be honest.

Last night, at two of my gigs, we had a visitor at each one and the "alt radar" in some of us went off. I'm not paranoid about alts, as I have one and use her often and understand why some people do this. I have no problem with it as long as it's innocent and not manipulative. One of these "visitors" seemed to know more than I thought possible on a first meet and a flag went up. On one hand, I was amused, thinking, "who is this and what are they up to?" On the other hand, their was some tame flirting and I was wondering, if this is an alt of someone I know, what is their motivation? I understand that there is a possibility that the person was not an alt and maybe more perceptive than the average person, but what if...?

I'm not a fan of any type of manipulation, although I have to admit that being human, I've engaged in the behavior myself. I love alts, I really do. I know people on SL with multiple alts and used correctly they can be a lot of fun. I know that Aeryn has taught me a lot about myself, both good and bad. I have mad fashion skills that I never knew I had, and I, at one time, engaged in spying using Aeryn before she was "known." I'm not proud of that, so it is with amusement that I raise some of these questions, knowing I'm not lily white and innocent. You're shocked, aren't you? :-)

Wow!!

2008-10-14T14:16:00.003-05:00

Short post and I may add to it later, but Nina Brandenburg sang live for the FIRST damn time at The Savoy Jazz Club today and she just blew us all away. What an amazing performance....first time out of the gate. Technically near perfect, and great phrasing and style, and she has a great feel for jazz and blues....improving and embellishing to match the songs. Oh, and her song selection was fantastic, too. She sang Ella Ticket-A-Tasket, Diana Krall Peel Me A Grape and Frim Fram Sauce, I Will Remember You by Sarah McLachlan and Stay by Sugarland. Her finale was the best I've heard with two Eva Cassidy styled versions of Imagine by John Lennon and Somewhere Over The Rainbow, which actually choked me up and brought on tears. Amazing performance and I'm sure that it's a matter of time before she hits it big in SL.

God, I was just speechless, and that NEVER happens!! ;-)

I'm getting ready....

2008-10-03T14:19:00.002-05:00

....to get back into SL again, I think. This has been a very strange week. I have not done a very good job of getting caught up around the house in RL, and I have been on SL very rarely other than to DJ and attend a couple other events with friends. I have, however, been feeling that pull of doing some things in SL that I have not felt for a while. Nothing concrete, but I think I feel a project coming on. Don't ask me what, I'll let you know when I know. :-)

Oh, and I have an entry on my other blog too, today. It might explain me starting to emerge from my funk. I love Synchronicity, don't you? ;-)

RL Blog Is Officially Active!

2008-09-24T11:48:00.004-05:00

WhiteSail is officially active for the first time in, ohhh....about a year and a half. That blog will be geared towards RL issues such as spirituality, politics, general rants, music and that type of thing. This blog will be more suited to strictly SL subjects, unless I get confused and just post here, which could very well happen. Wait....is it happening right now? I think it is. Quick, what's going on in SL......

Hmmmmmmmmmm.......Once I figure out what the hell I'm doing with my gigs, I will send a notecard out with my new schedule. I only have one question left at this time, and I should find out today.

I've had a lot of fun with Aeryn "channeling" Sarah Palin lately. If you're conservative, I'm sorry.....okay, I'm not sorry. :-D Here are some pics of Ms. Palin:

Ch-Ch-Changes.....

2008-09-23T13:19:00.003-05:00

...but not big changes. Last night I DJ'd at Bistro Olive for the first time and had a wonderful time. I've given up two gigs and I believe another one will be going by the wayside also. I'm quite sure I'll be picking up another to replace that one, though. *winks at Parker*

So things are changing. A few months ago, I was DJing nine gigs a week, which is too much. I was having fun and making lots of Lindens, but I started getting burnt out. Then I have this problem of saying "no" and not wanting people to be upset with me. Another form of sefishness, really....

So, now, if things shake out the way I think they will, I'll have six gigs a week, which should be okay. That gives me more time to do the RL stuff I need to and the time on SL to dick around and have fun. I can always pick up another or do a special gig now and then.

And a treat to do with the topic of this post....Time by Pink Floyd

Happy Birthday!!!

2008-09-17T11:48:00.013-05:00

....to Blissie and Borday!! They've both got birthdays today and tomorrow I think. Well, not that they both have two birthdays...that's just stupid. But someone has a birthday today and the other is tomorrow. I can't remember. Anyway, happy birthday to two of my favoritest peoples in SL!! They are both just extremely fun and talented and smart people and I'm very fortunate to have them in my life. Wow, and it's been a year now...amazing.

Anyhoo, congratulations and happy birthday to you both!! Look forward to partying with you guys tonight, too.

Palin For President!!

2008-09-17T11:48:00.012-05:00

Noooooo...not Sarah Palin. I'm not an idiot! ;-) I only support intelligent, caring and funny motherfuckers. So, I am using my vast influence of this blog to ask you to consider....Michael Palin for President!! I could give you many reasons why he is infinitely more qualified than Sarah Palin, or John McCain for that matter, I will let the video do the talking. :-)

When Philosophy Meets Football....

2008-09-12T15:12:00.001-05:00

....chaos is sure to follow. From the The Onion.

Pre-Game Coin Toss Makes Jacksonville Jaguars Realize Randomness Of Life

:-D

ENOUGH!!!

2008-09-11T12:48:00.003-05:00

I'm trying to keep this a SL blog for the most part. But, I also by admission, know that SL and RL are not as separate (for me) as some people. In SL, Crighton is a younger and more athletic me. I am Crighton and Crighton is me.

That being said, this is my first political blog entry, because I'm fucking disgusted. And please don't get outraged by my use of the F word, because that is a non-issue, kind of like "lipstick on a pig."

I would like to start off by saying that I am not under the illusion that Barak Obama is some savior who will rescue us and fix everything that is wrong in our great nation right now. I do believe, however, with all my heart and soul, that he is the only person running for President that is fit for the job right now. Yesterday, Barak said "Enough!" and I say the same. In one twenty-four hour period, the McCain Campaign has stooped lower than anyone since.....oh, since four years ago when and honorable, if boring, candidate name John Kerry was smeared with lies and dishonesty by the Bush Campaign. In one day's period, McCain not only lied, saying that Barak made the "lipstick on a pig" comment about Gov. Palin, but also lied saying that Barak wanted to teach our kindergartner's "comprehensive sex education!" First off, both of these assertions are, as I said, outright lies. Barak was speaking about McCain's policies and about how they were no different that our current Moron-In-Chief's (I will not refer to Bush as President...he does not deserve that respect,) and that McCain was "putting lipstick on a pig." He did not at all refer to the lovely and talented Gov. Palin from Alaska. But McCain's campaign feigned outrage over this and wants you to be outraged, too. I'm outraged that McCain and his people think Americans are that stupid. Oh wait...apparently many of us are.....forgot about that.

Secondly, the program that Barak voted for was not to teach kindergartner's sex education, it was to teach them about inappropriate touching, etc. It was designed to teach small children about how to deal with child molesters! And in the ad, if you have not seen it, it portrays Barak as, at best, someone who wants your kids to have sex before grade school, and at worst, a pedophile himself. This is obviously not the case. Senator Obama is, however, someone who cares about kids

It's deplorable and McCain should own up to it immediately. If he did not know about the ad, and I'm sure he will play this card, then he has to fire everyone who knew and put this ad into circulation. That is the only acceptable action for him to take. And if McCain knew about this ad, then he needs to withdraw from the race, because America deserves better.

Some people say, "Well, this is politics. It's dirty. You can't hold them accountable and everyone does it." No, not everyone does it. Kerry handled his "swift-boating" with class and dignity, and he did not stoop so low. Maybe he should have.....but he didn't. Do you want to know why? Because he is a decent human being and so were the people in his campaign, unlike the crooks named Bush and Co. Granted, we learned from Kerry and hopefully Barak will, too. He needs to step up to the plate and call McCain on his lies, and do this with passion and zeal. Thank God, he is starting to do this.

Barak needs to remind us of why we are calling for a change. We have a war in Iraq that was started for corrupt reasons that has resulted in over 4000 American casualties, and possibly over a half million Iraqi casualties (mostly innocent, by the way.) We have an Administration in place that has enacted something called the Patriot Act that is anything but and is a disgrace to everything that America is about. We have rising unemployment and rising gas prices that are resulting in everything being more expensive. We are no longer respected in the world, in fact, many non-Americans regard us as stupid, self-centered and even a joke. Our health care system is broken. Our education system is broken. Our home owners are in serious trouble. We have areas in our country that might as well be third world countries and our infant mortality rate is higher than most other "civilized" countries. These are the issues.

McCain/Palin offer no relief. McCain/Palin has shown themselves unworthy to be our next leaders. They are painting themselves as more like us. Wouldn't you rather sit and have a cup of coffee with a hockey mom rather than the "elitist intellectual" who graduated at towards top of his class from Yale? It's much more fun to have lunch with a regular guy who graduated fifth from the BOTTOM of his class at the Naval Academy. When did it become a sin to be intelligent in this country? When did we become so afraid of smart people? I want someone smarter than me to be President. I've seen what happens when someone who is less intelligent than me, and we're all seeing that now. McCain owns ten houses and he is not like us. He doesn't understand us nor does he understand what it is like to have trouble making the next mortgage payment. Most of us didn't leave our wives to marry a rich chick who spends more on her outfits and plastic surgery than we spend per year on our mortgage.

Issues, that's what we need discussed, not feigned outrage over a perfectly legitimate comment. And certainly not outright lies and behavior better fitted to the bad buy in a mafia film.

ENOUGH!!

I'm bored in SL.....

2008-09-10T10:17:00.002-05:00

....in some ways.

I love my friends and DJing. That's basically why I log on anymore. I recently, or not so recently, moved into a new house on my own beautiful private island on an open space sim. Lots of water, etc. I still have not decorated or furnished my house. I'm just not interested in that right now. I think I SHOULD be, but I'm not. :-P

So lately, I'm logging in to DJ and to take care of things that need to be done. And, of course, to hang out with my friends. The changes in my RL, which obviously color my SL, have been taking me through some ups and downs. Changes will do that, so I'm riding it out, and I feel good about things now. I feel like a lot has changed and I have a positive outlook. :-)

I'm sure when the weather turns....when it gets colder, that SL will be more attractive to me. I'm guessing too, that I will be re-inspired to do something special and create something or do something more than I am now. But I'm not pushing so much. I'm very excited about life right now, and I have not felt that way for a while. I mean, certain things excite(d) me, but life as a whole...not so much.

Bottom line, SL better save up it's energy for me, because I'll be back with a vengeance baby!! Unless I pull a muscle or something.

;-)

What I really need...

2008-09-03T11:57:00.002-05:00

....is another blog. Okay, not just another blog, but my OTHER blog.

WhiteSail

My plan is this....I am going to use this blog for Second Life posts, and use the WhiteSail for other stuff. With everything going on in my life, and inside me, I'm looking at branching out some and doing more writing. Don't laugh...I heard that and it wasn't nice!! :-D

That's all for now. I just finished watching What The Bleep again and I'm feeling quite inspired. What I decided I would try to do long ago within Second Life, was to try to use it somehow to recreate my life within that platform. By DJing, which is bringing my love of music, in to my Second Life...to the forefront of my SL, my idea was that would help me to bring it in to my Real Life. While that has not happened yet, at least not to fruition, it has set things in motion in me, including the ideas set forth in this movie, which is pushing me to make major changes in my life.

One of these changes is to focus more on what matters to me. Music, friends, family, spirituality and living the life I want to live. In some respects, living the life I NEED to live. I'm not happy with my RL job at all right now. I work for a great company, but I hate the job itself. I NEED that to change. In fact, more importantly and more powerfully, I have CHOSEN to change that.

That's all for now, but I hope to have the other blog going again soon, if I can find out where my damn control panel is!! :-D

Can I have your number??

2008-08-29T09:35:00.001-05:00

Can I have it? lol

The back of your head is ridiculous!!

Utter stupidity.....

2008-08-29T09:10:00.002-05:00

Yes...I know. It's hard to believe that I would do something stupid. Much less two very stupid computer actions in a week.

I had to reformat my new computer AGAIN last night. Last week, I got infected with some trojan/virus/worm thing and I used my trusty Alienware Respawn to fix it. Respawn automatically backs everything up and saves it so that we don't have to deal with saving everything to another drive somewhere. Just peachy, I say!

So I'm back up and running and yesterday I'm doing my weekly preventative maintenance and I'm running a scandisk during the day...my first mistake. I usually run them overnight. I run an errand and get back and realize that it's running really slow and it might not be done by the time I need to DJ. More importantly, I'm just plain jonesing to get online. :-/

So what do I do? I tried to escape and couldn't figure that out, and rather than be patient and let it do it's thing, I did a hard shutdown. Power button and off. And...well....you know the rest. Something got disrupted and I could not boot up. It took me to my trusty Respawn where I assumed...no problem. Backup and reformat. Piece of cake, right? Wrong. It would not do that. I could not boot, save files, anything. After much weeping and gnashing of teeth, I had to bite the bullet and reformat....and lose everything on my puter. My baseball game progress, my pics, and most importantly, a bunch of pics when Jake was a baby. Granted we have some regular pics, but we had a ton of digital.

Talk about feeling stupid. And I KNOW better. Uggghh. Live and learn? God, I hope so.

I'm kinda bored.....

2008-08-28T12:08:00.003-05:00

....with SL in a some ways. I still go to my AA meetings and I still do my DJing. I still like to hang out with my friends, but I'm very rarely on SL during the day anymore. I've been trying to take care of some things in RL that need attending to. I've had somewhat of a re-invigoration of my spirituality which is a very good thing. Much seems to be turning around in my life right now....granted, I need to put in some effort here. And I am doing that. :-)

I've decided to hold on to Aeryn's shop for a month or so until I get time to revamp it. In the winter, when yardwork goes into hibernation, I will have more time and will revisit the Shape thing.

I have a lot of things going through my head right now. A few posts ago, I talked about how I would like to use SL to bring to my RL some positive changes and how I would go about that. I've since been pointed in the direction of The Secret and then What The Bleep Do We Know. Both movies tell us we create our own reality. This also coincides with my love of the writers Deepak Chopra and Neale Donald Walsch (Conversations With God.) I also had a flash of insight that I should be following a program set forth in the book, The Life We Are Given, which is written by George Leonard and Michael Murphy, both founding members of The Institute Of Noetic Sciences. The IONS, by the way, has a workbook online in PDF format for What The Bleep Do We Know? Hmmmmmmm....I love synchronicity, don't you?

So, I'm trying to integrate all this in to my life right now. Watching the movies is easy and inspirational, but that is just a start. In the book I listed, Murphy and Leonard talk about how sustained practice and work is what moves us forward in our lives. In Zen, that is why meditation is referred to as Practice. We're never done, we just keep practicing. When the student has an amazing revelation, the Zen Master smiles and tells him to go practice some more...just sit. That being said, I've started meditating again and am dabbling in a bit of Yoga.....and hope to expand that. I'm so tight....that stretching hurts!! :-)

I know that there is not much SL in this post from a SL blog, but I don't have much SL to post about right now. I'm feeling inspired about other things at the moment, but I'm guessing that will inspire me in SL, too. In fact, I'm quite sure of it. I feel more centered and more balanced, which is making my SL more enjoyable right now. This is a good thing. Now, let's see if I can keep it up! Let me rephrase that.....I CHOOSE to keep this course up. Number One....Engage!!

What The Bleep Do We Know?

2008-08-22T17:10:00.002-05:00

Not very much.....although we pretend to know more...lol. This is the trailer from the movie, What The Bleep Do We Know. If you would like to challenge your belief in what reality is, give this movie a shot. Keep and open mind and see what happens.

:-)

Hmmm....a Cancer?

2008-08-22T16:39:00.001-05:00

Your True Love Is a Cancer

Why you'll love a Cancer:

Cancer's loyal and sincere heart makes your own sensitive heart melt.

Caring and devoted, a Cancer will take the lead in pursuing you - and not give up!

Why a Cancer will love you:

You're laid back enough to deal with Cancer's little mood swings and freak-outs.

A fellow homebody, you know how make Cancer comfortable and at home with you.

What Sign Is Your True Love?

It's about time.....

2008-08-22T13:15:00.002-05:00

....that I read this again, and take it to heart.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” -- Marianne Williamson

I love this quote and have for a very long time. It hits right at the heart of my lack of self esteem and self worth. It calls me to greatness....to create and to go beyond my small-mindedness. It tells me to get up off my ass and be who I know I can be. I find it easier to be that person in Second Life....lol.

Lots of good changes in my life right now, thanks to synchronicity and and that crazy spiritual stuff, I'm getting back in contact with my Self. That's a good thing by the way!

Not enough time in the day....

2008-08-08T12:50:00.002-05:00

....to do what I want AND what I need. I've been trying to get Aeryn's shape shop off the ground for awhile. I put some time in to getting the shop up and a few shapes in it, but I've come to the realization that I just can't do it right now. I'm supposed to be ready to do a showcase next week and I just can't do it, not with everything to do around the house and with Jake starting school and my other obligations in SL at this time. As far as SL goes, my music does come first, because that is what I love doing.

So, I guess I'll keep the shop up until the rent runs out....I still have a couple weeks to change my mind.

We'll see.....

Car trouble and computer trouble.....

2008-08-01T10:07:00.002-05:00

.....are two kinds of trouble that really bring out the worst in me. Frustrating for two different reasons. Auto troubles mean money....money I usually don't have.

Computer troubles just irritate me as inconvenience. I haven't been able to DJ for the last two days because our ISP is having trouble in our area. Apparently they have to switch out a piece of equipment, which they may have done last night. Hopefully it will be taken care of soon, but I'm enjoying my break, too. Vacations are a good thing, even in SL.

:-)

Sick....blech!

2008-07-25T17:17:00.002-05:00

I've been sick for three days now.....eeek. Kind of a mild flu thing. You know I'm not right when I don't log in to SL until almost 4pm. I sat on the couch and took it easy for most of the day. I got a live singer lined up for next Friday though! The fabulous Inchino Melson will be singing at the Savoy Jazz Club next Friday at 2pm! I'm very excited. This is my first real project in the Savoy other than DJing and lending my sparkly personality to the club. She will be fabulous, I'm sure!

Other than that, I'm really being kind of scarce on SL this week. Next week, I need to get Aeryn busy on some new shapes and putting some freebies out in the shop. I also need to actually put furniture in my new house....lol. I'm such a slacker.

Oh well, I'm off the shop...RL that is. Groceries, in case you are thinking something exciting. See you next week!!

Monk

2008-07-24T12:44:00.003-05:00

Thelonius Monk performing 'Round Midnight with his quartet. Nice tenor sax by Charlie Rouse!

Second Life....Practical Purposes?

2008-07-24T11:38:00.002-05:00

When I started in Second Life, I was wide eyed with the possibilities, not just from a practical point of view...making money, creating stuff, meeting people..etc. From a spiritual point of view, I immediately sense possibilities beyond the simple. From a spiritual viewpoint, I realized that I could create the Second Life that I wanted. My world, my imagination, right?

I thought that I could create the SL I wanted and maybe find a way to translate that to my RL. I started DJing, which with my love of music is a perfect job for me, and hoped that somehow I could move in that direction in RL. I bought up some land and built a beautiful retreat with meditation spots and tai chi balls and lots of trees and water, in hopes that I could move that into my RL, not the objects, but the spirituality and the feeling. I became outgoing and, for the most part, a pretty good friend to a lot of people. I got involved in AA in SL and hoped that would move in to my RL as well. I was successful financially, which was huge!

All of these things have helped in varying degrees. But what shocked me is that much of my RL crept into SL. I started becoming too busy. I was irresponsible financially and spent more than I made...ugggh! I was very unfocused and undisciplined. Now I know that SL should be fun, and it is, but even my fun was......irresponsible and scattered.

I have taken some steps that have helped me immensely. I have stopped taking on more responsibility for the time being. I have spent more time in RL getting things organized and keeping up with RL chores, etc. I have also spent some time in RL doing fun stuff, as SL was all my fun for a long time. And, now, I'm at another crossroads. Where do I go from here? Second Life is more than I ever imagined it could be, and that is largely due to the people I have met. They have supported me and loved me. They have pushed me and helped to wake me up, even when I just wanted to roll over and sleep some more. They have pissed me off and showed me parts of myself I didn't want to acknowledge. And we have this amazing platform to meet these people, so different and yet the same, and live and learn together. So, again, where do I go from here?

At one time, I was on the right track. I was using SL to evolve in my life, but life is like gravity sometimes. And so is my ego, always wanting to drag me back to the comfortable...the known. I believe in archetypes....those supposedly mythical figures in literature and film that are larger and life. Aragorn and Gandalf from Lord Of The Rings. Tristan and Isoldt. King Arthur. Buddha and Jesus. All archetypes that we have inside us...living and breathing as though they are here now, in the flesh. That story that really speaks to us? What character is in it that is so powerful and that I relate to so well....that I wish I was maybe? That archetype is inside me awaiting my calling, to guide me. I think, in a sense, Crighton and Aeryn are archetypes. Last week at work, I was having a rough morning and was feeling quite sad and almost hopeless, and in my mind, I saw Aeryn with her hand on my back, and things got better. I felt a strength and compassion....coming from within. WTF?...lol. And it seems, that if my avis come from me...are created by me, when something happens like that, they are more alive...more me that I realize. If I'm open to it, of course. I've felt that way about certain characters before...female ones. Arwen in LOTR was a very powerful character. Aeryn Sun in Farscape is the epitome of a strong female...an amazing archetypal character, which is obvious I would feel that way as I picked her name for my alt. Aeryn is sometimes a much more powerful avi for me to be due to this, I think. A lot of people think that I want to be a girl, I would guess. Not the case at all. I'm not sure why I love logging in as her, half the time. I would say that in a totally non spiritual way, I am narcissistic and love looking at my totally hot female creation!! :-D

Seriously again....getting away from all that, which I'm sure has confused you as much as it has me writing it. Musically, I have decided that I need to take a look at what I do for a living, and how to incorporate what I love into it. I love music, with all my being. It is where my heart is...my soul...my spirit. And, in particular, jazz has really taken a hold of me. I have a decent knowledge of it...the basics. And, oddly enough, Second Life has given me this gift. If it were not for SL, I would not have found jazz again, although I have no doubt it would have found me....lol. I was thinking yesterday, that I would like to pursue this avenue in my life. I think about me sitting behind a mic playing jazz, and occasionally talking about it and I think that would be heaven. I would have to be more professional than I am obviously, but I've always been able to do what I want when I love what I'm doing, more or less. Is there really a demand for this though? This is not pop or rock music, and I'm not doing smooth jazz....eeek! So, I've decided to put the key in this door, and i"m looking through the peep hole to see what's there....probably a couple more doors...lol. So I'm thinking of investigating some of the radio stations here in town, the smaller ones. I know one that plays jazz, at least one. And where do I go from there? I have no fucking idea....but I need to at lest look and see....

Miles Davis - So What

2008-07-22T12:36:00.001-05:00

Incredible youtube of Miles Davis Quintet performing So What. John Coltrane with an unbelievable tenor sax solo, Wynton Kelly on piano, Paul Chambers on bass and Jimmy Cobb on drums. Classic. Jazz. Beautiful.

It's Tuesday.....

2008-07-22T12:03:00.004-05:00

.....and I don't feel well. I'm not sick, but I don't feel well.

;-)

That is actually a running joke between my wife and I. And it is true to some extent. Every Tuesday I feel this way. Part of it is due to my crazy work schedule where I work a full work week in three days on Saturday, Sunday and Monday. By Monday night, I'm dead tired, but also want to unwind on SL some and usually end up consuming too much caffeine and staying up too late, which I did both last night.

So I'm just off today. Jake hasn't seen me for three days and he's all over me. Jen is having a tough time and she wants and needs me. And I'm just fucking tired and want some alone time. I'm selfish, I know.

I was talking with Yordie last night about being stretched too thin. I have so much that I want to do, and so little time it seems sometimes. Added to what I need to do around the house and.....I'm stressed and crabby. Overwhelmed at times. So...how did I get 17 years sober in recovery and be so shitty at priorities and setting boundaries?

I woke up and did what I normally do on Tuesdays.....got everyone set with breakfast and then watched Jazz. I'm so glad that SL has re-introduced me to jazz. First it was the blues and now jazz. Well, first it was AA....SL is really quite amazing, if you keep your eyes open. I've really developed a renewed appreciation for this music, particularly Louis Armstrong, Duke Ellington, Count Basie, and of course, Billie Holiday. The spirit and soul of this music is deeper than any I've experienced. The art is more intricate and complex. The individuality is breath-taking. There is nothing like it in our world. Sure, there is improvisation in blues and rock. Sure there is amazing melodies in classical and pop. But nowhere is....I can't even explain it. It's jazz. Swing, blues, individuality, communication, stories, contention, love, healing, life, death, virtuosity, rawness and atonement. Jazz. I love rock, but rock without blues is dead to me. I love blues, as blues is steeped in my favorite music. But jazz....is in my soul right now. I see a world in absolute chaos, inhabited by human beings, many of whom are either too stupid or self-centered to realize that we are headed towards annhilation. Our spirits are being crushed under the weight of our own unwillingness to fight for what's important...and we are allowing this. And jazz calls to me, to be myself, to communicate, to acknowledge honestly how I feel and to take action, first for myself and my family, and next for mankind. Billie tells me of Strange Fruit...injustice and hatred....and then she tells me of Love and Hope, in the midst of my own feelings of despair. Miles tells me....to pick my activities....that music is not just notes, but the spaces between the notes...and my life is not just activity, but spaces between activities. Bird tells me that, not only should I do whatever I do as well as I can, but remember the feeling in what I do. Virtuosity is not enough, without feeling.....not just the letter of the Law, but the Spirit. Trane reminds me to never forget my spirit....never forget A Love Supreme. Monk tells me to be myself...express myself...create myself. And Louis....Louis tells me that in the midst of my Blues...that that there is always hope and joy and love.

What a wonderful world.....Jazz

Leaving Las Vegas....

2008-07-17T10:17:00.004-05:00

...or leaving Second Life.

No, I'm not leaving, but this post is about other people leaving. A friend of mine left SL the other day. It was kind of surprising and abrupt, at least to me. But then I'm not a close friend so maybe it was in the works for a while. Dixon sent out a notice that basically said due to RL he was retiring from SL. I have heard of people leaving SL, but they're usually back quite soon. I've heard of people taking breaks, and sometimes it works out and sometimes not.

We talk of relationships as though they are only with other human beings. But we have a relationship with everything we can interact with. We can RELATE with people, pets, possessions, SL avatars (which are really people whether we believe that or not,)and anything we interact with. Relationships change, because we change and because the thing we relate to can change. This applies to our relationship with Second Life itself, as well as all the avatars within Second Life. If I'm the type of person that gets bored easily, I may move on and leave SL just for that reason. I may also bounce from relationship to relationship in the same way. Sometimes the "other" in a relationship does not fulfill some need that we hoped it would. Of course this can be because we are asking too much or because the "other" has changed. We have a choice to either leave or to modify what we want from the "other." Sometimes our lives change and because of that, our relationship changes. Apparently, Dixon's RL has caused him to "retire" from SL, and I hope everything is okay and that he is okay.

I've heard a lot of stories and seen some pretty crazy things in SL, as far as this goes. I knew a person who faked their death so that they could get out of a SL relationship. They literally pretended to be their own spouse, and contacted someone in AA in SL to tell us that he had started drinking again and died drunk. We had a memorial service and everything. Later on, the story crept out that he had actually faked this RL death, so he could escape a relationship he was involved in, in SL. That is just insane. The word "coward" springs to mind immediately. I've heard of people who left SL and they friends and lovers to come back as an alt and start over again.

All this strikes a nerve in me, and upsets me greatly. Isn't it easier to just bite the bullet and tell the truth? The dishonesty and the running away is soooo much work, in the long run. And it shows such a lack of respect for everyone else, including the person doing the running. Sometimes it seems that many people think that just because we're not physically in the same room, that we can make allowances for our behavior and treat the other person disrespectfully because of that. That is what we call a rationalization.....a rationalization to be a self-centered prick. I can think of one person in particular right now this applies to, but I'll keep it to myself....for now.

I do want to emphasize that in no way am I saying that Dixon is doing any of these things. His actions, completely opposite and above board, just got me thinking. There are other instances recently that have got me thinking too and it all came to a head today. I, too, have not been on SL as much as I was before. I'm getting caught up in RL and making an effort to have some balance in my life.

It's very easy to suspect ulterior motives when one comes across actions that are just crazy, especially in SL. The doubt factor gets multiplied since we don't really see the other person. "Are they really who they say they are?" "What are they really up to?" "That alt reminds me of someone." It can make me crazy if I let it and if I entertain such thoughts for long. It's also a waste of mental energy, although the whole "is that an alt" conversations can be fun. ;-) So I have to go back to my old stand-by belief. Trust others (within reason) until they give me reason to not trust them. People are basically good and will live up to the expectations I place on them more often than not.

This has become a most rambling and incoherent post...lol. I hope your brain doesn't explode trying to read it.

ZOMFG!!!

2008-07-16T10:25:00.005-05:00

Not that anyone will read this....I'm sure they've all given up on me. No hope left. Crighton will never blog.

Haaa!!!

First off, I apologize for the title of this post. I abhor most of those stupid internet geek terms....and I have no idea what the Z in ZOMG stands for. Probably Ztupid?

I have cut down on my SL time recently. A couple reasons, basically. One is that I need to get caught up in some RL stuff. I also need to take some RL time to take care of my spirit. And, to be honest, I was getting bored and SL was stale for me. I had one week where the only times I was logged in was to DJ, and to see friends in the evening. I watched a lot of Farscape and a couple movies. Spent time with Jake. Got some stuff cleaned up around the house and yard. It's all good.

Now, I need to get a few things caught up in SL that I've neglected. I started a business as Aeryn that I need to put some time and energy in. I also need to get my new home decorated and furnished, so it looks like home. I'm selling and/or abandoning my plots on my old land. The end of an era, I tell ya! And the start of a new one. :-D

Anyway, I'm going to make an effort to blog at least three times a week. Stop laughing!! Meanies.....

And if you're back, I thank you and applaud your patience.

50 Things About Me!

2008-06-06T10:22:00.003-05:00

50 ODD Things about you!

Now that you are reading - you too have to fill it out! Learn 50 things about your friends and family, and let them learn 50 things about you! Parker tagged me...so here goes....

1. Do you like blue cheese? Noooo...hate it!
2. Have you ever smoked heroin? One of the few drugs I have not done.
3. Do you own a gun? Nope....don't see the point.
4. What flavor do you add to your drink at sonic? Never been to Sonic.
5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Depends on whether I think I'm dying or not....just kidding...not really.
6. What do you think of hot dogs? If I don't think about them, I like them now and then.
7. Favorite Christmas movie? Love Actually
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Coffee
9. Can you do push-ups? I think so...
10. Age? 47
11. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? Wedding band
12. Favorite hobby? Music, music and music
13. Favorite Actor? Robert Deniro
14. Do you have A.D.D.? Nope.
15. What's one trait you hate about yourself? I can be very indecisive...no wait..no I'm not....okay...I think I am....I'm not sure....can I get back to you?
16. Middle name? Everett
17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment? Jake is driving me nuts, why am i having such a hard time answering these questions and when will the grid be up?
18. Name 3 things you bought yesterday/today: I didn't buy anything, but I did donate Lindens to RFL, Bid4ACure, and tipped Hy. Oh, I did buy dinner for us last night at Taco Bueno. Two days ago, I bought new hair and skins for Crighton
19. Name three drinks you regularly drink? Diet Pepsi, Coffee and Diet Dr. Pepper
20. Current worries? money, money, money
21. Current hate right now? People who denigrate SL.....they obviously don't see what I see....too negative I guess.
22. Favorite place to be? Second Life....or in bed
23. How did you bring in the New Year? DJing at three clubs
24. Where would you like to go? Forward?
25. Name three people who will complete this. I'm not sure who has done it, to be honest....lol
26. Do you own slippers? Yes, and I love them in the winter.
27. What shirt are you wearing? My white PayPal t-shirt
28. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? No...cotton all the way.
29. Can you whistle? Yes, but they frown on it at work.
30. Favorite color? Deep blue or green.
31. Would you be a pirate? Ummmm...no.
32. What songs do you sing in the shower? I don't sing in the shower....I need backup.
33. Favorite girl's name? Aeryn?....lol
34. Favorite boy's name? Jakob :-)
35. What is in your pocket right now? Nothing...gym shorts on
36. Last thing that made you laugh? My son being goofy
37. Best bed sheets as a child? Don't have recollections of best bed sheets...maybe sheets with NFL logos on them?
38. Worst injury you've ever had? Stepped on my son's toy and sliced my toe open....I've been lucky.
39. Do you love where you live? No, I live in a state that thinks our current Moron In Chief is a fantastic president
40. How many TVs do you have in your house? 4
41. Who is your loudest friend? Jenda
42. How many dogs do you have? 2
43. Does someone have a crush on you? Hmmmm....I think so
44. What is your favorite book(s)? Lord Of The Rings and Dune.....I love them both and have read them multiple times
45. Where were you born? Seattle, WA
46. What is your favorite candy? Chocolate Truffles
47. Favorite Sports Team? Minnesota Twins, baby!!
48. What song(s) do you want played at your funeral? Crazy Bitch? No, seriously, something by the Cowboy Junkies.....Good Friday maybe? "he says enough of this shit...I'm going..." :-)
49. What were you doing at 12AM? Listening to Hy's blues at the Savoy
50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? Oh fuck.....I wish Jake would go back to sleep in his room

Milestones

2008-05-27T10:15:00.003-05:00

No, this is not about the classic Miles Davis album. Maybe next week....

I'm a firm believer in the concept that one day is really not any more important than another. But, being human, I need sign posts along the way to help me appreciate things. Birthdays and anniversaries are definitely such sign posts, and I've had a couple of these in the last two days.

Yesterday, was the Rez Day of two of my favorite SL friends. Kimala and bigd both joined the festival of fun and insanity that is Second Life a year ago yesterday, and we had a big party to celebrate. I had the honor of spinning the tunes and I really enjoyed it. I remember last summer, when I first started DJing my second regular gig was at One World. Very shortly after starting there I met bigd and Kimala. They were both very friendly and always had great requests. Kimala turned me on to The Cult and bigd reminded me of how good Johnny Winter and The Doors are, among others. Both very generous and smart and funny. Life is better with them in it and I'm grateful to be considered a friend.

Today, a very very good friend of mine has a special anniversary. Joonie is 17 years clean and sober today!! I'm so proud of her and so happy that I know her. We're kind of kindred spirits in a sense, as my 17th anniversary in AA is coming up in just over a month. Our recent paths are somewhat similar in that SL AA has kind of been our path back into AA. So, Happy Birthday Joonie and keep coming back!! You've been there when I've needed you and I hope I can return the favor!! While I do believe that today is just another day for Joonie, and July 2nd will be just another day for me, it is special in the sense that it gives is a moment to reflect on where we are, where we came from and how damn far we've come.

Then it is time to remember that it's all about today. I still need to take care of myself today. And today is all we have. Today is all that matters. And tomorrow, it will be the same. The eternal NOW. You want to live forever? Live today...just today. It's all there is.

Random Ramblings....

2008-04-29T09:59:00.003-05:00

This is the post with no theme......but who knows. Maybe a theme will appear.

I haven't posted for a long, long time. I haven't done a lot of things in a long time. And the sad thing is, that I haven't got a lot done in SL recently either. Of course, maybe I shouldn't be focussed on what I'm getting done in SL so much. It should be fun, right? Well, lately it hasn't been very fun a lot of the time. I've been DJing a lot which many think is too much work. They forget that I love music so much that it really isn't work for me. It's joy for the most part. I probably have two too many gigs going, but that can change quickly in SL. The nice part is I have a nice mix of different music I play. I do three rock gigs, two blues, two straight ahead jazz and one smooth jazz gig.

I'm trying to take the time to learn to build, but I'm not having much success. Between DJing and playing and spending time with those who matter, it's tough finding time. I'm also starting to put together a Shape Shop that will be run by Aeryn, in her never ending quest to overthrow Crighton as the main, and make him her subservient alt bitch. Ahhh...the inner battles that ensue with alt craziness....I love it!! Anyway, be on the lookout for Lovenkraft Shapes or something similar. I hope to be building soon too. I would love to learn skins too, but that looks hard...lol.

Last week, I was honored to help raise money for two worthy causes, which were both smashing successes. At The Bee Hive, with Kim and Blissie, I worked two nights to raise money for Relay For Life. The Date Auction was a blast, although I got so wound up I couldn't sleep and ended up missing work on Saturday....lol. Saturday night I DJ'd an hour for Blues For Autism, which was also a huge success. I want to thank Magi, Kim and Blissie for asking me to help. Hugs to you all, and I honor the love in your hearts that sparked this amazing week.

Bottom line? I've got some work to do to re-order my life. I've got things to do in RL that have been neglected. Yard work, inner work (meditation and yoga, etc) have taken a back seat and I must bring those back. I've been so unfocused, in RL and SL. Virtually no discipline and it shows. Instead of creating the world I want, I'm reacting to whatever happens. Story of my life. After I realized the possibilities in SL, I decided that I would use it to create, and then try to bring that also in to RL. I was successful for a while I think, but I've got off track recently. I think much of it has to do with stress and stuff that I have been ignoring. Well, I can ignore stuff for so long before it slaps me in the face and that is what happened this weekend.

And then there is the little issue of sleep, or lack thereof. I have got to get on a somewhat normal sleep schedule. Last week was devastating. In bed by midnight and up by 7am is my goal. God I love staying up late though. I think a lot of that has to do with my son being asleep and I can just really be by myself or with Jenda. Very selfish, I know.

Anyhoo, I'm posting a long and rambling blog, which should make Blissie happy...lol. See you laterz!!

My Job....depends on which day....

2008-04-16T18:33:00.000-05:00

Your Job Satisfaction Level: 58%

Your job is about average. There are some parts you really enjoy, and some parts that stress you out.

It's possible that you need a small change. Maybe you should switch companies or positions.

It's also possible that you're simply burned out. No job is perfect, even a great one.

Give yourself a personal day to think about your career goals - and if your current job is helping you achieve them.

Should You Get a New Job?

Fine And Mellow

2008-03-25T12:42:00.003-05:00

I found this video yesterday. I have not been as utterly and completely blown away by a performance of any kind in a long, long time. There are two things about this clip that are very interesting. Actually there are more than two, but we'll keep it simple today. I'm playing this right now and I have this big grin on my face.

First off, this was recorded two years before Billie left us and she is in rough shape. Towards the end of her career, her voice was not what it once was, but she had lost none of her ability to sing, and by sing I mean transmit through her voice to us feeling even the essence of the song. In the words of Gary Giddins, "Her voice was frayed in those last years, but she communicated more deeply than ever, making banal songs more urgent and the good ones radiant." Miles Davis said, "I'd rather hear her now (1958.) She's become much more mature. Sometimes you can sing words every night for five years, and all of a sudden it dawns on you what the song means....So with Billie, you know she's not thinking about now what she was in 1937, and she's probably learned more about different things."

She can say more with one single word and note, than most singers today can in a whole song. I love watching her face, at times peaceful, at times you can see her thinking and listening, even working the song in her head. And I absolutely love the way she watches the soloists, truly appreciating their playing, even adoring in the case of Lester Young and Ben Webster. But behind the joy of her singing and her appreciation of her bandmates, there is a deep sadness and a hint of desperation in her eyes. I watch this video with joy and despair, having been in her shoes, at least partially. Her story is worse than my own, as I did not grow up as she did. Her childhood was horrible, and I cannot claim that, but I went through addiction so I share that with her. The joy comes from the music and from her sheer brilliance and artistry, and that of her bandmates.

And the second part of this video that is astounding her is band. Imagine a concert with Clapton, Jeff Beck, Jimmy Page, Paul McCartney and Rick Wakeman backing up the singer. I'm sure I could come up with a better analogy, but the lineup is obscene. The first pair of solos is taken by tenor saxmen Coleman Hawkins and Lester Young. After another verse, trombone player Vic Dickenson and baritone sax player Gerry Mulligan take turns. The final pair of soloists are Ben Webster on tenor sax and Roy Eldridge turning in a blistering trumpet solo. Watch Billie's face, particularly during the solos of Lester and Ben. Lester is amazing in his solos simplicity, yet deep bluesy feeling.

I share this with you in hopes you may enjoy it too. I would encourage watching this in it's entirety if you listened while reading. Go back and watch....oh, Lord....I'm being bossy, huh? Just a suggestion...lol. And I have one more quote about Lady Day in her last years....

"I feel there is no one in jazz who can come close in terms of emotional penetration to the Holiday on these tracks (referring to her last albums.) For those who say they liked the youthful Holiday and don't dig Billie in middle age, I would suggest they not abandon these records yet, and instead save them for their own middle age." - Nat Hentoff

All that jazz........

2008-03-20T09:51:00.006-05:00

Life is so amazing. You can be minding your own business, and something jumps up and grabs you. Or maybe something jumps up and smacks you and says, "Hey!! Where the hell you been?" Well, SL is the same. And here is another example....

A few weeks ago, I went with Jenda to hear a friend of ours DJ some blues. Bill actually played "real" jazz. Now, I'm sure most of you have been to jazz clubs in SL and I have too. The music is nice and romantic and great to dance to. But, for the most part, it's not jazz. Frank Sinatra was a great singer, but really didn't do jazz. Billie Holiday sang jazz. Don't get me wrong, many of the clubs there are fun and very nice to go to, but Bill and I started talking and he wanted to open a club where he could play the real deal. I agreed. About this same time, someone contacted me about DJing some jazz at a club she managed. So I started DJing at JD's Jazz & Blues for the owners and for Parker. Talk about synchronicity or serendipity.....two different events occurring within days to lead me to where I need to go.

The thing is, I used to listen to jazz a lot, and I had quite a good collection on vinyl. After selling most of my albums during my addiction, I recovered most on CD, but still have a ways to go. I have not listened to jazz hardly at all in years though, only when it comes up randomly on my stream. So Bill decided to open this club and I'm involved in that with him, along with Jenda. And it has been amazing for me spiritually. There is not another form of music that I know of that is as rich creatively as jazz. It's one thing to write a great song, and go into a studio and perform and record it. There may be some improvisation during the solos or some vocal embellishment here and there. In jazz, you have a few guys (or gals) who may just have a general outline of what they're playing. And they just wing it....and I know that's oversimplifying, but it is so amazing to hear it done well. The thing about jazz is, they players aren't just playing what's in their heads, they are actively listening to each other, responding and playing off of each other. Listening is so important.

I really know so little about jazz. I know what I love. I cannot speak eloquently about it as I would like. I know that when I hear Horace Silver play Song For My Father, I get chills every time, particularly when I hear Joe Henderson's tenor sax solo. I know that EVERY time I hear Miles Davis and his sextet play So What, I'm utterly blown away....by every note...it's perfection. I know that when I hear Scott LaFaro and Bill Evans play together, I'm witnessing a psychic connection that I'm honored to be able to share in. I am humbled by these musicians, for what they achieved cannot be matched in any other genre of music, or possibly any art. And this is art...the height of creativity. There are so many aspects....Stanley Turrentine's tone, John Coltrane's epic virtuosity, Charlie Parker's...well, Bird did everything....lol. Listen to Miles Davis play anything. He doesn't fill your ears with notes, like Coltrane might, but he understood better than anyone, the spaces between the notes and that they were also part of the music. Listen to Billie Holiday's phrasing....I cannot explain what she does well. All I know is that I hear someone who has better pipes (think Christina Aguilera) and how they have no idea how to get to the soul....the heart of a song. Most pop stars today really need to listen to Billie and Miles, and stop with the lame embellishments. (Beyonce and Christina, this means you)

I'll close by saying, this is one more thing that SL has added to me life. Or rather, somthing that SL has reminded me of....brought me back to. I've played more jazz in the past weeks than I have in years. And my life is richer for it....my heart is fuller...my soul, happier. Thank you to Parker and Bill, and to Jenda for encouraging me.

I'm laughing inside because yesterday, I started out DJing blues at Not Too Hot, then played pop/rock at the Hive, and finished up last night with Jazz at The Savoy. I can't keep this up too long, as I'll get burned out, but damn it has been fun. I would like you all to join us sometime at the Savoy Club. This is Bill's baby, and I'm happy to be along for the ride. Please join us. If you love jazz, this is the place for you. If you want to learn about it, we can help...heehee. I should say, Bill can. He's extremely knowledgeable. Personally, I need to do my research better. I've caught myself announcing incorrect personnel on song....the horror. And jazz is about the players, so I need to make sure I get that right...lol.

Hi! My name is Aeryn......

2008-03-07T12:04:00.010-06:00

.....and I am Crighton's alt.

;-)

Where do I begin....

Months ago, I was dicking around with some friends at Sporks and I donned my Head Nurse avatar, which I will not show here, as she causes blindness and mental illness. My friends, well, they were less than kind. And I decided that I would show them, by turning that big, hidddeous creature into a ravishing beauty. Eventually, this became a battle that lasted after that party was over. And it continued on for weeks. At that point I didn't have an alt, it was just Crighton being a girl. But one night, a couple of friends encouraged me and I created an alt. Aeryn Lovenkraft. What started as a joke became somewhat of an obsession and a battle, me against the SL female form. Once I got her shape the way I wanted, and I had found the skin that worked with her, I started shopping! And, the rest is history. Shopping for guys stuff on SL is so freaking boring. But man, let me start shopping for Aeryn, and I could go all night. And then I started hair shopping. And then I fell in love with boots. All kinds of boots. And I discovered something. I actually had a good eye for fashion and hair and boots. I will admit, I just don't have the patience and the time to accessorize properly. Shoot me, okay?

Part of why I created Aeryn was to create some space for me. It was a kind of selfish way to have some time alone and to do something different. A weird thing happened along the way. I went to a live music event and some guy started chatting and, well, you know. He liked me...lol. At this point, I realized I had to figure out a way to deal with amorous fellas. I toyed with the idea of dating, but realized I could not do it. It felt wrong and dishonest. I put myself in the guy's shoes and if that were me, I would be pissed! I was willing to consider dating, just for the experience, but I could not deal with the repercussions of possibly hurting someone else, and as I said, it just felt dishonest. It's one thing to innocently socialize and shop, but quite another to get involved with someone.

So Aeryn is a virgin. Sadly. I may one day log both her and Crighton in and go ahead and fuck myself silly. There may be another post in that for you guys, huh? Pics too? :-)

It has been interesting to say the least. I've noticed that Aeryn seems to have her own personality when I settle in to SL with her. I'm very proud of how she looks and dresses. I have been ridiculed for a couple of my outfits, but I think there may be jealousy at work there. You know how women are. :-D I'm sure that some will run with this revelation and think the worst. I ended up being introduced to a friend the other night and had to let him know who I was before it got weird. I also had a bit of fun last week by logging both Crighton and Aeryn on and wearing the same shape, skin, hair, and outfit and hung out at the Bee Hive together. That was fun, once everyone figured out what the fuck I was doing.

I realize this post has been horribly disjointed, and I'm sorry for that. I'm not redoing it though..lol. Lots going on today. Why is this so much fun for me? I have no idea, really. I love the playing and shopping parts. I have got a kick out of the occasion idiot asking me to "make sexy" with him. I have had an old friend of Crighton's get fresh with me, which I would feel bad about if the guy wasn't such a dickhead. It's been enlightening and somewhat confusing at times. I have very much enjoyed hanging out with various female friends of mine, acting as they do...as much as I can, that is. I thank them for humoring me. I have had a blast hanging out with my wife from time to time.....we're so good together. It's been refreshing. I've had fun shopping with Joonie and I even enjoyed being chastised for my occasional wardrobe mis-steps. I know that some think I'm strange, but you know what? I'm not hurting anyone and I'm just exploring and having fun. Today, I spent a decent chunk of time picking out the outfits in these pics and uploading them. Why? I don't know...maybe I'm looking for some type of approval and acceptance. I am proud of Aeryn, and I guess I wanted to show her off. I hope you like her. If you see her/me out and about, say Hi and maybe we'll shop together! This last pic is of me and Joonie on her skybox after a night of AO shopping and terraforming. Yes, we are a couple of versatile babes!! And we look good doing it to! And by doing it I mean terraforming and shopping. I'm not THAT lucky....yet!

;-)

You Say It's Your Rez Day......

2008-02-25T08:05:00.004-06:00

.....It's My Rez Day Too, Yeah!!

One year ago today I made my first appearance on Second Life. My first exposure to SL was watching my wife have lesbian sex with some unknown avi while some pervert guy watched...lmao. I thought to myself, "This isn't The Sims...." And when she talked me in to joining, it was merely temporary, so she could get her 1000L referral fee. After logging in, I was quickly bored. I visited a sex club, and saw....noobie sex going on, which bored me. I walked around a lot, and was bored. And then I started searching for stuff. Very shortly, I found some live music events that were pretty good. Then I found one, Juel Resistance, that was very good. And on my first Saturday on SL, I found an AA meeting, which blew me away. Not only was it a good meeting, but there were genuinely great people there, which knowing AA's is not surprising. I realized then and there that this was not what I thought it was. I also realized that after toying around with the idea of being a character, that I would be myself.

Since then, I have fallen in love, become a decent DJ, bought land, had my heart broken in tiny pieces, made a ton of outstanding friends, been through a most frustrating experience with another person, been a complete asshole, made amends for that, bought more land, started creating, served in AA in SL,and who knows what is next. I've learned much about myself, good and bad. I've been a complete dick and a saint. I turned into a female avi as a joke and had so much fun that I created an alt who is sexy and beautiful, and no, she does not have sex with boys. That's just too weird for me. :-) And, yes, there will be a post on that "development" coming up. I will introduce you to Aeryn. ;-)

SL has, at times, swallowed up my RL. I am an addict, and I admit that. I'm grateful that I am aware of that and that when I go over the edge, I eventually catch myself and can pull back. I admit that if I could make a living, a RL living, on SL, I would do so in a heartbeat. I would love to own sims and to learn how to create and build and script. I would love to make a decent sex bed with great poses...lol. I would love to get involved in the SL music scene and promote artists who are talented and might not have the opportunity to play in RL.

I see so many possibilities in SL. That is part of what makes it so attractive. Maybe it's because I have become somewhat jaded in RL and I don't see those possibilities in the rush and clatter of everyday RL. And maybe, just maybe, SL can rekindle the co-creator in me that I know exists....that child of God, the "image and likeness" that can create the life in RL that I want. Abundance and love and joy. I get those now and then in RL, but it's not where I live. Maybe SL can help me find that, and if it does, then it is truly a magickal place, and not just an escape from RL. But maybe it can become a catalyst.

I am creating, or re-creating my island to help me in that venture. It is to be a spiritual place, that I will carry with me into RL, and that also comes from RL. Meditation, yoga, tai chi, Magick, love and joy and beauty. And I want to share it with you.

So Happy Rez Day to me.

*wishes and blows out the candles*

Friends

2008-02-20T09:48:00.006-06:00

I've been thinking about friends lately, and SL friends in particular. When I first logged in to SL, I did not expect to find people that were so dang cool, and smart, and funny, and....exasperating! I really didn't know what I would find, and I wasn't sure who I wanted to be on here. I thought it was just a game. How wrong I was. Within a week, I found a very cool live music scene and I also found Alcoholics Anonymous. I hadn't been to a meeting in a long time, although I had been sober for almost sixteen years last year at this time. When I found AA on SL, I realized that who I wanted to be on SL was myself, and I would try my best to be me.....the REAL me. And I've done pretty well with that, with some minor bumps along the road.

That being said, I've also found friends, who on the whole, tend to be real also. How do I know that? Well, it is SL and we really can't be sure, but then can we really be sure in RL? I mean really, there are con artists in RL too, who lie and cheat and manipulate us, just as in SL. The way I deal with that is to ignore it. I can't let the fear of someone who is not real with me dominate my SL. If they are playing me, that will come out. Their true colors will show, eventually. I prefer to think the best of people until they prove me otherwise, and I have been pleasantly surprised, time and time again. I started off with mostly AA friends, because of our common bond. Then I got involved with DJing and that became a great source of friends through our common love of music.

I know consider myself very, very lucky and I'm so grateful for the friends I have met. I have friends who I've been able to share pretty much everything with about my SL and much of my RL also. I've got friends who do not hesitate to give me a hug, pray for me, give me gifts, spank my butt....even an occasional kiss. And, sometimes, more importantly, they slap me upside the head and tell me to wise up or stop being an ass. I'm grateful for all this...maybe not when I get that slap to the head, but after, I see why and I see that I needed it.

I have a rather large friends list. I do not hesitate to ask a new person in AA for friendship, but I am a bit slower out of AA, and there is a reason for that. In AA, it is imperative to be able to help someone and to show support because of the gravity of the situation. Outside of AA, I usually wait for something to click. It can be a single line that shows a common bond (again) or it can be a series of conversations that lead me to believe that we should be friends. Sometimes I know someone for quite a while and realize, "why is this person not on my friends list?" I sometimes forget or assume they're already there. I very rarely decline a friendship offer, even though lately I've had two complete strangers offer it. I figure, it doesn't hurt and it's just being nice. If we never talk again, eventually I'll drop them. Not out of anger, but because it's prudent to not have a friends list that's so huge I can't keep track of my real friends.

One more thing.....broken friendships. I've known people who are so quick to take people off their list. "She said something mean to me so I took her off my list..." Oh come on...grow up. I can honestly say, I've never taken anyone off my friends list...as Crighton that is. I do have an alt that I keep friends with only a few people. It's my getaway thing...so I treat her a bit differently than Crighton. I should qualify that if I add or am added as a friend to someone and we never talk for months, I will remove that person....just because there is no point. Especially if they're in a group I'm in and I see they haven't been online for months. But out of anger? Never. I've had people take me off their list a few times. Most of the time, I go to that person and try to work out whatever happened. Sometimes they were mad or upset, and a couple times it was just a mistake or misunderstanding. Everytime that has happened I have been able to work through it, with two exceptions. And those two exceptions are....well, it's a tough situation and both people have shown no desire to try to work things out with me and whoever else was involved. In fact, one of the people regularly posts hateful, childish garbage on his profile. It got so bad that I just don't even look anymore. It has become a waste of time and energy. I just don't need people like that in my life at this time...or any time for that matter.

The one problem I do have with that is this.....if this person regularly posts such hateful stuff on his profile, why have none of our "mutual" friends confronted him and called him out on it? Do they think it's funny? Do they just think, "well, that's just ********...it's none of my business" Because I will tell you this, if someone that knows you posts hateful stuff about you on their blog or profile, they will hear about it from me. I will not stand by and let my friends be abused and do nothing. This bothers me, because what I see is someone who is actively projecting hatred publicly towards someone I care deeply about, and there are mutual friends who do nothing about it. I personally don't care if these comments are directed at me...and I'm quite sure they are. I feel pity for him. I have grown past the anger stage and am not wasting any more time on it. I just have a hard time....well, I guess I just don't want that type of person around me. There are times I wonder how others can read a profile like that and think that it's okay.

Wow...I guess I'm a little resentful about that, huh? Hmmmmmmm.....well, more prayer and forgiveness is obviously needed here....lol. That diatribe aside, my SL friendships have been incredible. I consider myself the luckiest avi in SL. And it's not because I'm a decent DJ or a good AA or I have a nice island (which needs work!) I am lucky because of my friends, and I'm grateful for all of you. Especially those of you who read this entire book of a post!

:-D

Happy Valentine's Day!!

2008-02-14T16:54:00.001-06:00

Your Candy Heart Says "First Kiss"

You're a true romantic who brings an innocent hope to each new relationship.

You see the good in every person you date, and you relish each step of falling in love.

Your ideal Valentine's Day date: a romantic dinner your sweetie cooks for you

Your flirting style: friendly and sweet

What turns you off: cynics who don't believe in romance

Why you're hot: you always keep the romance alive

What Does Your Candy Heart Say?

I am not, nor have I ever been "normal".....

2008-02-13T23:14:00.001-06:00

You Are Fairly Normal

You scored 50% normal on this quiz

Like most people you are normal in some ways...
But you aren't a completely normal person. You're a little weird too!

Why You Are Normal:

You rather be screwed over than screw someone else over

You prefer ruffled potato chips

You would rather be an astronaut than a movie star

You prefer a good meal to a good nap

You prefer the sun to the moon

Why You Aren't Normal:

You would not eat meat from a cloned animal

You know a little about many subjects

You don't keep up with your horoscope

You'd rather have cockroaches than rats in your home

If given the choice, you would choose to have more time over more money

What's Normal About You... And What's Not?

You Know What I Mean?

2008-02-06T12:16:00.000-06:00

That Lonely Sinking Feeling

She says, "I'm getting that lonely sinking feeling,
you know what I mean?"
With his hand on her back he's thinking,
"Where does that leave me?"
"Just when I think I've uncovered the secret
to peace and tranquility
that lonely sinking feeling creeps up on me."

He says, "I'm seeing those doubt filled
questioning eyes
and I can't believe it's true."
With her head in her hands she sighs,
"It's me, not you."
"Just when I thought that I'd discovered the joy
of loving one so completely
that lonely sinking feeling creeps up on me."

Here in this silent room we wait on ancient ritual.
Staring at our hearts
as if they were two caged animals.
If I am the first to unlock those rusty doors
will I be the first found bleeding on the floor?

She says, "I'm getting that lonely sinking feeling,
you know what I mean?"
With his hand on her back he's thinking,
"Where does that leave me?"
"Just when I think I've uncovered the secret
to peace and tranquility
that lonely sinking feeling creeps up on me.
Just when I thought that I'd discovered the joy
of loving one so completely
that lonely sinking feeling creeps up on me.
that lonely sinking feeling creeps up on me."

- Michael Timmins (Cowboy Junkies)

Enjoying the beauty of life.....

2008-02-04T09:56:00.000-06:00

Sometimes I really need to stop and really look at my life objectively. And I do mean RL and SL, as they are intertwined so deeply these days. It's easy to get caught up in what I think is wrong. It's easy to judge someone else who is acting like a twit or a child. And, that does me no good. I come back to myself and what is important. I stop and pet my dog, or kiss my son and/or wife....I hug a friend. I stop and watch the sun rise and just breathe. Or maybe I just breathe.....

That heaven that I so desperately long for is always right here, in my heart. It's doesn't happen after I die....why wait until then for happiness....one of the big lies of religion. Just breathe.....

It's so sad to watch someone else self-destruct and try to destroy others. It's sad to watch someone refer to other human beings as cancer. I understand how easy it is to demonize another human being. It makes it easy for us to justify anything that we do. Since they are evil, we can do what we want. In RL we kill them, in SL we orbit them. They have nothing to offer us, so we discard them. I'm glad that I can see in myself what I hate in others and work on that rather than pretending that I'm better than you are. Because I am not. I'm just another child on the bus. But there comes a time when I have to realize that this is not my problem anymore and all I can do is be the best person I can be. And just breathe.......

I"m glad I have the friends I do have today. I am glad I do not have any enemies...no one to discard or throw away. I'm glad that I have the ability to be able to approach someone I have wronged and make amends for what I have done wrong. And I'm glad that I can forgive those who have hurt me, without asking for anything in return. As my second sponsor used to say, "Forgiveness is for giving." Give it away...free of charge. Please. It's not for them, it's for us.

For you, my friends, I love you all. I really do. I'm talking Second Life now, of course. You have made my life richer and more full. For those of you who would like me to fail, to hurt....I love you to and wish you the best. We're not so much different as we would like to think we are.

Just breathe......

Love Dogs

2008-01-31T15:11:00.000-06:00

I was at a meeting today and someone shared about their own spirituality and how they think they don't have any, and it prompted me to think of this poem by Rumi. I love me some Rumi. Almost rhymes with Joonie, too! ;-)

The whole point of this poem is that our sorrow, our pain...is what makes us cry out to God sometimes. Therefore it is not a bad thing, but something to be embraced. Our cry out is our connection.

LOVE DOGS

One night a man was crying,
Allah! Allah!
His lips grew sweet with the praising,
until a cynic said,
"So! I have heard you
calling out, but have you ever
gotten any response?"

The man had no answer to that.
He quit praying and fell into a confused sleep.

He dreamed he saw Khidr, the guide of souls,
in a thick, green foliage.
"Why did you stop praising?"
"Because I've never heard anything back."
"This longing
you express is the return message."

The grief you cry out from
draws you toward union.

Your pure sadness
that wants help
is the secret cup.

Listen to the moan of a dog for its master.
That whining is the connection.

There are love dogs
no one knows the names of.

Give your life
to be one of them.

Griefers Gone Wild....and what is God's will?

2008-01-31T10:41:00.000-06:00

I know griefers are a part of Second Life. They are a part of Real Life. Anywhere you go there are idiots who think it's fun to cause trouble. Fortunately, most people are good and decent. Man, lately though it's been something else.....

A few weeks ago I got griefed on my own land. I gave the idiot one warning and he did it again so I AR'd his ass, resulting in a seven day suspension from SL. Lately though, we've had a rash of people griefing the AA meetings I go to in SL. Last week, they hit two that a dear friend of mine was chairing. Then this last Tuesday, I had a couple girls early in the meeting creating a distraction. They finally got bored and left. We usually do not eject or ban in this type of situation. It is AA and we believe that if someone is there, they are there for a reason, no matter what reason they think they are. It also can piss a griefer off and then they come back again with more friends, etc. The best policy is to ignore and mute them.

Tuesday, however, after the initial non-event, I had another guy show up and was doing the ol' drinking a beer with the falling down drunk animation. Usually I will just IM the person and ask them to leave or tone it down...basically inform them of our protocol and ask that they respect it. But, I didn't then. I saw that someone had crashed and didn't know if it was just SL or something else. We had a couple newcomers in the room and I did not want them to feel threatened in any way. So I ejected him and banned him right then and there. After he was ejected, I IM'd him and asked him what he was thinking, to which he replied with two question marks. I told him it was an AA meeting and that I had serious reservations of what he was doing in there with that animation, and that it was disrepectful to our group. He apologized and said he didn't know it was a real AA meeting. I told him all we required was a bit of respect on his part and he apologized and said we had it now. I took him off the ban list then and he went on his way.

What is God's will? In any situation, really? I had a friend give me a ration of shit about me ejecting the guy. Her point was that maybe he was supposed to be in that meeting. And I can respect that, I really can. But if I'm in a meeting, and pray before hand, maybe God was working through me ejecting the guy too? I'm not sure, to be honest. And I like it that way. Anytime I hear someone who is sure that they are doing God's will, I run the other way. Bad things usually happen about that time. The thing is that it was a difficult situation and I was there. It really pisses me off that someone who wasn't there is going to lay a judgment on me about how I handled it. And then to act like they know God's will in that situation? Preposterous. Not my shit though. I take up the mantle of determining what God's will is enough, and I don't want that job. Not qualified anyway, although it is fun to watch others try it on. Same results. Pray before hand and do what I think is best. Then, if I make a mistake, make amends and be done with it. Easier said than done, though...lol.

My Island Got Bigger!

2008-01-30T08:38:00.000-06:00

I had two women tell me last night, "This is HUGE!!" *sighs* They were talking about my island. *sighs again* I purchased the land next door to me and connected it to my current land, making one big island now. I'm very excited about the possibilities here. It gives me more space and more prims. I've been very much inspired and influenced by my neighbor, Bev's, plot where she doesn't have a house. It's basically a big garden with a small open structure. It's very beautiful and that is what I'm shooting for.

I'm also looking at making some type of Zen or Magickal statement, possibly both. I'm thinking a garden with the four elements in their corresponding directions....maybe a zen rock garden somewhere. I had a friend who made a waterfall with a cave behind it, and that sounds cool. Many possibilities, and never enough prims to go around.

Anyway, last night much silliness ensued as my land was empty and Kimala came over. We raced shopping carts and Snorses and I even took a Fred Flintstone car for a spin. The Bedrockmobile didn't handle well though, and I ended up in Bev's yard. We laughed and went with the Snorses....they are slower and handle better...lol.

So, I'm excited to build something, but today is chore day...RL that is. Damn RL! Always infringing on my SL!!

Joonie is my leader, and I'll follow her wherever she goes....

2008-01-29T12:07:00.001-06:00

You Are An INFP

The Idealist

You are creative with a great imagination, living in your own inner world.
Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your important relationships.
It takes a long time for people to get to know you. You are hesitant to let people get close.
But once you care for someone, you do everything you can to help them grow and develop.

In love, you tend to have high (and often unrealistic) standards.
You are very sensitive. You tend to have intense feelings.

At work, you need to do something that expresses your personal values.
You would make an excellent writer, psychologist, or artist.

How you see yourself: Unselfish, empathetic, and spiritual

When other people don't get you, they see you as: Unrealistic, naive, and weak

What's Your Personality Type?

LMAO!!

2008-01-29T12:01:00.000-06:00

You Are A Little Snobby

And being a little snobby every once and a while is totally allowed.
Because if no one was ever snobby, no one would ever try to dress up or look pretty.
And while you do enjoy the finest things in life (that you can afford), you tire of superficiality.
You know there's more to life than what's just on the surface.

Are You a Snobby Girl?

Is there a music snob quiz?

:-D

The Best

2008-01-24T08:35:00.000-06:00

"I am in no mood in this stage of my life to have anything else."

Wow.....I keep going back to this statement. I found this nugget on Joonie's Blog

What an amazing affirmation. Reminds me of how often I can settle for less. I have a tendency to.....settle in to whatever I'm in, good or bad. Many times I don't notice until I'm out of whatever it is I'm into...lol. Hindsight is, indeed, 20/20.

And yes, this pertains to my SL, too. And that is because, although it is SL, it is real. Maybe not real in the sense that I am with someone in SL the way I am in RL. But it is real. My reactions and feelings and soul and defects are still present, whether I'm in the kitchen with Jen in RL or whether I'm with you in SL. It's all there, except our physical presence. And not to deny or denigrate the physical, it really is much less important to me than it used to be. I am a spiritual being living in a physical world.....or a virtual world. Obviously RL is more important for the simple reason that if I don't pay my tier, my avi is homeless. If I don't pay my mortgage me and my family are homeless...lol.

Anyways.....talk about a tangent...lol. In SL, this settling can take many forms. I worked at a club where I didn't get paid too well....tips were shit...for a long time. Now, I don't DJ for the money, but if I can work at another club and do the same thing for much more money and have much fun, why not? I stayed way longer than I should have, because I was comfortable there. And, I believe part of it also, was I was afraid to hurt someone else's feelings, and maybe I felt I didn't deserve better? The owner of the club (original) has serious people skill issues, and I didn't feel much of a loyalty to him. But things change, I'm out of there...and start a new Thursday night gig tonight. And getting paid extremely well too. :-)

The main thing as always is that this is an inner job. Once I truly feel that I deserve the best, I will expect the best. I will attract the best. I will discard what does not serve me well and what hurts me. And this starts within.

I have someone that I care about very much right now, and who treats me extremely well. So patient and understanding....and positive....lord she's positive. And I'm in no mood right now to have anything less.....

Shimmer by Shawn Mullins

2008-01-22T11:53:00.000-06:00

Sharing with us what he knows
Shining eyes are big and blue
And all around him water flows
This world to him is new
This world to him is new
To touch a face
To kiss a smile
New eyes see no race
The essence of a child
The essence

He's born to shimmer, he's born to shine
He's born to radiate
He's born to live, he's born to love
But we'll teach him not to hate

True love it is a rock
Smoothed over by a stream
No ticking of a clock
Truly measures what that means
Truly measures what that means
And this thing they call our time
Heard a brilliant woman say
She said you know it's crazy
How I want to try to capture mine
I think I love this woman's way
I think I love this woman's

way she shimmers, the way she shines
The way she radiates
The way she lives, the way she loves
The way she never hates

Sometimes I think of all of this that can surround me
I know it all as being mine
But she kisses me and wraps herself around me
She gives me love, she gives me time
And I feel fine I feel fine

But time I cannot change
So here's to looking back
You know I drink a whole bottle of my pride
And I toast to change to keep these demons off my back
Just get these demons off my back

Cause I want to shimmer, I want to shine
I want to radiate
I want to live, I want to love
I want to try to learn not to hate
Try not to hate
We're born to shimmer, we're born to shine
We're born to radiate
We're born to live, we're born to love
We're born to never hate

Notes Falling Slow

2008-01-18T08:48:00.000-06:00

My love swears that he is made of truth
I do believe him though I know he lies.
I've caught him creeping 'round darkened holes.
I've caught him staring at distant skies.

I would have seen it coming but I'm blind with age.
Too much time on the battle line.
Shut it all out just let the notes fall slow.

Slow.

My love lives inside a haze of gloom.
He fears today, what might come tomorrow.
Seeks the shadow, shuns the light.
Bleeds for knowledge, prepares for sorrow.

I would have seen it coming but I'm blind with age.
Too much time on the battle line.
Shut it all out just let the note fall slow.

Slow.

This ain't no depression, just notes falling slow.
An early snow and notes falling slow.
Do I have the strength to bear their passion?
An early snow and notes falling slow.

-- Michael Timmins (Cowboy Junkies)

An Era Is Over.....

2008-01-17T07:30:00.000-06:00

I quit my DJ job at Popeye's Beach Club this week. It was basically my first steady SL DJ job and I am grateful to the owner, Gruran Solomon for the opportunity he gave me. There has been a lot of changes there lately. First, Skinkie Winkler, who was managing the club, took over as owner. Then she quit altogether, giving control of the club back to Gruran. I had recently split in a long term (by SL standards) relationship with Skinkie, so there were a lot of twists and turns within this whole thing. It has been a very hard decision for me to make, and I had put it off for a month or so just because I wanted to make sure I was not leaving out of anger towards her. But when she left, I knew that it was time to go.

I have a lot of memories from the club. It was a place that I went to to get to know Skinkie. It was the place I learned and practiced how to DJ. I've met so many friends there.....Bradley, Kimber, Carly, Sapphire, MattRess......and I love them all.

Weird thing about Popeye's? No tips there.....I mean, it was brutal...lol. I'm not in DJing for the money, although there is definitely money to be made. But I like to have the freedom to play *my* music. I'm sorry, but I'm not playing crap....lol. At least not a lot of crap. I love playing music and having someone ask, "Who is this? This is great!" I love having a two hour gig and having so many people there staying and we just keep going. I love being a half an hour over, and after playing rock, hard rock and blues....and just having my friends around, and moving into some chill music....Morcheeba and Dido and Delerium and Dead Can Dance, knowing they like it too. (It's also good sex music, and strangely no one chats at this time....)

And lastly, I love picking the music with a purpose. By that I mean making some sense in the order and selection of the songs. Sometimes I don't even know concsciously what I'm doing, but knowing it sounds good, at least to me. Brad told me that DJing well is an art, and I'm not sure that I'm an artist, but I know I don't pick songs out random, at least not when I am into it.

So, an era ends, and a new one begins. I am looking for two new gigs a week, and the last time this happened it took me all of two days. If only I was this successful in my RL job...lol

I remember better days.....

2008-01-07T16:49:00.000-06:00

....lace in every window, and roses around the gate.....now it says this property is condemned.

I am not sure what I want to blog about today, but that is the song that came up on my stream....random. Maria McKee. Love her first solo album.....very nice.

One of the tricky things about being sober.....and staying that way, and I'm talking about if you're an alkie like me, is that I have to do certain things to stay that way. It requires a way of life that is contrary to what I used to live, and what many people live today. It is easy to become self-satisfied with that, to be self-righteous and full of pride about it. Bottom line is that I do it because I have to. Not all the time mind you, because that would still be coming from a very self-centered place, and I would not be sober today if I lived in that place consistently. For the most part, I do the right thing because I know it is the right thing to do. Most of the time, I do not expect a reward or an attaboy. Most of the time, I'm not doing it to save my ass.

I guess my point is, that one of my downfalls is that I expect other people to act the way I do. I expect other people to think like I do. I expect other people to "see the light" like I do. This can be in RL, and it can also be in SL. It can concern politics or religion or sports. Now, please do not thing that I do this constantly, because if I did, I would be the most miserable person around.

My previous post about SL relationships outlined my wife and I and how our relationship includes having a bit of fun on SL. This "fun" has also included many things, including sex, fun, falling in love and having our hearts broken. I would not trade my experiences for anything, on SL or RL. Every disastrous turn my RL took, whether due to my alcoholism and addiction, or just stupidity, has been part of what I turned into today. And although, I'm not perfect, I turned out pretty well.

So, now I've decided that other people in SL should adopt how I think about this whole deal. How crazy is that? I forget that we're all different, with different make-ups and different experiences. And in my assuming that someone else would come around to my way of thinking, I've hurt them. Much of this has to do with a hope that I could get what I want......re: selfish desires. Wishful thinking abounds in my stupid head sometimes......

Last thing I want to share, is there any doubt that life is just completely insane in the way things turn and twist. The road....I think I know where I'm going.....and i take a right.....and I get lost. I stumble off a cliff, or climb on a rollercoaster...and the ride is so exciting and thrilling and scary. It's dangerous and I know I should get off, but I don't, cause I'm too caught up. And I don't want to get off, to be honest. And the ride ends, and I realize that I'm not the only person who matters. And although, I didn't intend to hurt someone, I most surely did.

And then begins the next path....the next ride.....the next tree stump, asking to be sat upon, offering contemplation and reflection......

Fucking Maintenance.....

2008-01-06T09:14:00.000-06:00

Okay, I know that techy things need maintenance. Hell, I need maintenance and I'm not techy at all, except the chip in my brain that was put there by aliens. Alien technology is so far advanced though....no maintenance needed.....but, I digress....

So, after a crappy night's sleep and a crabby morning here, I go to log on to Second Life....and they're having....issues.

:-/

I'm not addicted. I'm not. I can stop anytime I want to. *nods* I can cut down anytime. In fact, maintenance is a good time to take a break from Second Life. *nods and twitches*

But not NOW!!! I need to get in, man.....I NEEEEED to get in. Anyone know how I can get in? I'll pay you to get me in. *eye twitches nervously* Please??? I gotta get in.....

*curls up in a ball on the floor and weeps*

My Victory Over Griefers

2008-01-04T08:41:00.000-06:00

A couple days ago, I was minding my own business on my own land dicking around doing something. And all of a sudden I got caged and orbited out over the ocean on my sim. Of course, being a somewhat savvy SLer, I just tp'd back to my place. My avi was invisible at this point, so I relogged.

When I got back I used my radar to look around and see who could have done this, and I noticed that my neighbor had a couple people over there. Upon closer inspection, I noticed the two guys were playing with a variety of weapons. I IM'd my neighbor and respectfully asked her about it and she admitted it was them, that they were "boys being boys" and that she told them to stop. Being the reasonably patient soul I am, I gave them that. My thought it was more "idiots being idiots," but that's me. :-D

Later on that day, I was on my land again and basically got bombed by these morons....actually one of the morons, who then walked across my land and said Hi. *rolls eyes and mutters "idiots"*

I filed my first AR, banned said idiot from my land, along with the second idiot from earlier, and figured nothing would come of it.

Within the day, said idiot was suspended from SL for 7 days.....rofl! Yay Lindens!!! It made me all tingly in my private parts. I checked the idiot's profile and it turns out he's partnered to my neighbor!! Great!! So he'll be back I'm sure. Oh well....we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. Worse comes to worse, I'll see if my estate owner will ban the idiot from the sim...lol.

Immature little fucks.......is there anyway that we can move them back to grade school and put them in the teen grid?

:-D

*counts the number of idiots in this post....*

Crazy Or Hip?

2008-01-03T10:41:00.000-06:00

Probably a bit of both. This is another introductory post, allowing you to know a bit more about me and my wacky SL...and almost equally wacky RL. ;-)

My RL wife and I have been on SL about the same length of time. When we started we had no idea what this crazy world would bring to our lives, and what we would bring to it...and to others.

Early on, I happened to meet someone who I wanted to know better. The feeling was mutual and we eventually fell for each other. In that process, my wife knew I was seeing her and was okay with it. My wife, Jenda, was also growing close to a friend of her's. We watched with interest what the other was doing, talked about it, and eventually we addressed the elephant in the room. What would be "okay" in our book? What would we allow the other to do? Would sex in SL with another person be cheating?

We eventually came to the agreement that we could do pretty much what we wanted in SL. Within reason. It is SECOND Life. My SL lover lived overseas, and that made it feel safer for me, as there would be no chance of falling in love and deciding to move away...lol. I've since found that I can fall in love without having to leave my wife and son, but that was how I was thinking in the beginning. I didn't trust myself much. That "safeness" was a double edged sword, as we fell madly in love and I jumped in due to the safety factor. The hardest part of the whole affair with my wife was when she asked me if I loved Skinkie, to which I replied, Yes. It took us a few days to sort that out, and for her to be okay with it. She knew I was not flying off to England, and that no one was flying here to steal me away. But, it was still tough for Jenda, and I felt badly.

Of course, down the road, she fell for someone also, and the tables were turned. I felt that fear of losing her that I'm sure she felt before. But we worked through it, and when that relationship broke apart, I was there to help her through, just as she has done for me recently. Yes, my relationship with Skinkie ended, as I knew it would. We all want relationships to be forever.....permanent. Safe. And that is not possible, because nothing is permanent. Nothing. Buddhism 101! :-D

Jenda and I talked recently about why we do what we do on SL and whether it is healthy. Most people go to one extreme or the other, either saying it means nothing, it is just good sexy fun. The other side is that it's a horrible thing, that something has to be wrong with the marriage for this to happen. I believe it is a mixture of both and much in between. I'm aware that both of us are finding things in a SL relationship that we may not be finding at home. My gut feeling is that some of these could be remedied by us looking and making some changes. I'm also quite sure that we are finding things in SL, with our lovers, that we may not be able to find within each other. We are both very clear that we are not going anywhere. Sure, the thoughts surface, but then I have thoughts about ramming in idiot on the highway with my car too, and that hasn't happened, and it won't......I hope...hehe. The other thing that we have going for us, is most important. We are able to be completely honest with each other. Now, we don't share details about our....private moments. That's creepy....for everyone involved. But, we share honestly about how we feel about the other person, and what we are doing.....generally. It gets a bit uncomfortable at times, especially when something new comes up, but we're also to the point where there's not an awful lot of newness coming up, at least not in the generalities of it.

The weird part is we find ourselves sitting at the dinner table, discussing what we are doing with our SL partners, like it's another day at the office. I've had somewhat of an awakening within me that has been sparked by you lovely women in SL. While I'm aware that in SL we're all beautiful avatars, phsyically, I've had the pleasure of meeting absolutely fantastic women on SL. When I say that, I mean emotionally and intellectually and spiritually. I could fall in love with......lots of you. But then, maybe I fall in love too easily.....

So, on the whole, this whole SL relationship thing Jenda and I have wandered into has been eye-opening. It's been heartbreaking. It's been teaching me a lot about myself that I had not known, both good and bad. I'm not as virtuous as I had believed, and I'm not as bad as I fear I am. I'm just a guy, with a very cool and lovely RL wife, who lets me have fun and learn and grow.....and indulge my ego and indulge my libido.

(Speaking of libido, it has been pointed out to me correctly, that I know nothing of Blissie's libido. But I had to get her in my list somewhere....heehee.)

You can see a million miles tonight.....

2008-01-02T09:03:00.000-06:00

.....but you can't get very far.

This is not the Counting Crows post I promised a few days ago, and I'm not sure what this post will be.

I have come a long ways from who I used to be. I was a drunk, a dirt bag, a liar and a cheat. The only person I cared about was myself. I was in pain, constant pain, such that I needed to dull it...and so I drank and drugged. A vicious cycle......more pain requiring more medication which caused more pain.....

"It's a lifetime commitment
Recovering the satellites"

So, for the past sixteen plus years, I've been recovering......recovering the satellites that had been scattered in my life. A lifetime commitment it is. A large part of this has been taking responsibility for my life....for my past....making amends for my wrongs, and making changes to live a better life. The fact that I've been sober for so long is validation that I've done most things right, because it's hard to stay sober unless many changes are made. By acting well today, it makes tomorrow much simpler. My doing good today, I plant the seeds of karma that I will reap in the future.

"We're such crazy babies, little monkey
God we're so fucked up, you and me"

And then I find Second Life, and while I've done many things very well, including helping others in AA and just being a generally good friend to many, I've also fallen far short of my ideals. I've found that some things are so much easier to fall into on SL than in RL. I find myself in situations that.....well, they are just so damn difficult. And I've made them that way. Now don't get me wrong, I still lead a pretty decent life. All I have to do is look around to see that, but that doesn't excuse my shortcomings. And it certainly doesn't make it easier for people that I've hurt. They don't care about my "relative righteousness." And I certainly don't want to gauge my life on what would be the average. I can't do things others do every day and remain sober for long. I don't have that luxury, not in this life. ;-)

"If you've never stared off into the distance then your life is a shame"

So I "stare off into the distance" at where I wish to be, and make adjustments to get there. And experience has told me that I will get there...or at least close enough to see it. And then, with additional clarity, will see in the distance my next destination......

And, lastly, lest I sound like I'm on some impossible journey to perfection and grace, I also need to sit where I am, and just be grateful for my life....today. Because, really, today is all I have. This moment is all that matters. Do the right thing now, and tomorrow becomes simpler. And in the next moment, the same.....

"It's a lifetime decision
Recovering the satellites"

This Blog

2007-12-28T08:21:00.000-06:00

"This being human is a guest house...."

First off, this is meant to be mainly a Second Life blog. That being said, my Second Life is on the surface quite different from my Real Life, but I am the same. More or less. I have fewer inhibitions on SL, and am more outgoing it seems. But this, I've come to believe is more the real me than what you see in RL. It's confusing, yes? When I get to know people in RL, I tend to be a nut, as I am most of the time in SL. On SL I tend to get to know people quicker and turn into said nut quicker. Anyway......yes, there will be rambling on this blog, too.

The first post on my blog introduces my title in the form of a poem by Rumi. The Guest House is about being human and is Rumi's advice to welcome all experience without judgement and without pushing it away. Quite the opposite of my first reaction to any pain or discomfort. That goes for RL and SL. And in SL, we get all the emotions and feelings that we get in RL. I've experienced love, lust, frustration, anger, friendship, heartbreak and loss.

And through these events and the emotions that ensued, I have learned much about myself. I have found myself to be not as virtuous as I had previously thought. In RL I have never been tempted to cheat on my spouse, but in SL......oh yes, I have been tempted. I have found that given the right circumstances, I will do, or consider doing, things I didn't think I would do. I have also done good things that I might not do in RL, such as being willing to help a complete stranger, etc. So this SL has been a wonderful classroom towards self-discovery.

"He may be clearing you out for some new delight." In AA, we say that when God closes a window, look around, because He's probably opened a door for you. That is what Rumi is saying here, that if I can get past the heartbreak, or whatever, that there will be "some new delight" out there, and I have found this to be true. I do have to open my eyes to it though, and if I'm looking back, pining about lost whatever, I'll never see it.

I'm also a firm believer that we are co-creators in our world. I create my life through my thought, word and action. And in SL, we do the same. We're all different. Some are builders, some are entertainers, some are socializers, some are shoppers, some...umm.....please others in very interesting and sexy ways...hehe. But we're all creating. I've had trouble with this in RL, and I'm experiementing with the possibility that SL can help me in RL somehow. By working on being more positive and loving and creative here on SL, maybe I can translate that to my RL? We'll see. If not, I'll have fun trying.

So, I'll blog about SL, but also there will be RL stuff in here as well. I'm a DJ in SL and love music, so there will be music posts....I feel a Counting Crows post coming on soon. AA and spirituality are central in my life as well. And as far as SL goes, anything is fair game. I might even explain how a hetero male such as myself gets such a kick out of donning a female avis shape, skin and hair, and how I would rather shop for her than for poor neglected Crighton. Of course, I will have to figure that out for myself first!!

:-)

Slex Questions - I've been tagged

2007-12-27T08:21:00.000-06:00

Great!! Eleven questions about who I want to have SL sex with, for different reasons. First real post and I'll get in trouble. Oh well, like I wouldn't get in trouble anyway.....

Name the avatar that you would most like to have second life sex with for…

1. … their avatar: Joonie Jatho ;-)

2. … their mind: Talia Rosher

3. … their poetic/mystical/creative spirit: Kimala Kohime

4. … their social success/success in SL: Cheyanne Sinatra

5. … their libido: Blissie Boucher

6. … wanting them to go against type for you. That is, if they are normally a top, you would want them to be your bottom, if they are straight and you are same sl gender: Sabbrinna Sinatra

7. … and you would go against type for this: Lolita Vanvleck (a vampire I could definitely....) ;-)

8. … and you would most want to do a nothing-but-sex week with, who you are not currently having sl sex with: BusyBee Beaver

9. … and you want a threesome, which two. They don't have to be from the above list, but can be: Carly Corleone and Sapphire Tomorrow

10. … "The forbidden," the one that, you'd like to publicly confess to, but the consequences would be toooooo awful. Examples would be your best friend's partner, a professional contact, someone you know rl who is here… Someone who you want, but have never been able to confess it too. Don't post… Just answer with whether they are online right at the moment that you post your answer: Not online right now ;-)

11. … nostalgia reasons: Skinkie Winkler

I tag: Jenda!!!

The Guest House

2007-12-26T11:15:00.001-06:00

This being human is a guest house
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

- Rumi