Milestones

No, this is not about the classic Miles Davis album. Maybe next week....

I'm a firm believer in the concept that one day is really not any more important than another. But, being human, I need sign posts along the way to help me appreciate things. Birthdays and anniversaries are definitely such sign posts, and I've had a couple of these in the last two days.

Yesterday, was the Rez Day of two of my favorite SL friends. Kimala and bigd both joined the festival of fun and insanity that is Second Life a year ago yesterday, and we had a big party to celebrate. I had the honor of spinning the tunes and I really enjoyed it. I remember last summer, when I first started DJing my second regular gig was at One World. Very shortly after starting there I met bigd and Kimala. They were both very friendly and always had great requests. Kimala turned me on to The Cult and bigd reminded me of how good Johnny Winter and The Doors are, among others. Both very generous and smart and funny. Life is better with them in it and I'm grateful to be considered a friend.

Today, a very very good friend of mine has a special anniversary. Joonie is 17 years clean and sober today!! I'm so proud of her and so happy that I know her. We're kind of kindred spirits in a sense, as my 17th anniversary in AA is coming up in just over a month. Our recent paths are somewhat similar in that SL AA has kind of been our path back into AA. So, Happy Birthday Joonie and keep coming back!! You've been there when I've needed you and I hope I can return the favor!! While I do believe that today is just another day for Joonie, and July 2nd will be just another day for me, it is special in the sense that it gives is a moment to reflect on where we are, where we came from and how damn far we've come.

Then it is time to remember that it's all about today. I still need to take care of myself today. And today is all we have. Today is all that matters. And tomorrow, it will be the same. The eternal NOW. You want to live forever? Live today...just today. It's all there is.

Random Ramblings....

This is the post with no theme......but who knows. Maybe a theme will appear.

I haven't posted for a long, long time. I haven't done a lot of things in a long time. And the sad thing is, that I haven't got a lot done in SL recently either. Of course, maybe I shouldn't be focussed on what I'm getting done in SL so much. It should be fun, right? Well, lately it hasn't been very fun a lot of the time. I've been DJing a lot which many think is too much work. They forget that I love music so much that it really isn't work for me. It's joy for the most part. I probably have two too many gigs going, but that can change quickly in SL. The nice part is I have a nice mix of different music I play. I do three rock gigs, two blues, two straight ahead jazz and one smooth jazz gig.

I'm trying to take the time to learn to build, but I'm not having much success. Between DJing and playing and spending time with those who matter, it's tough finding time. I'm also starting to put together a Shape Shop that will be run by Aeryn, in her never ending quest to overthrow Crighton as the main, and make him her subservient alt bitch. Ahhh...the inner battles that ensue with alt craziness....I love it!! Anyway, be on the lookout for Lovenkraft Shapes or something similar. I hope to be building soon too. I would love to learn skins too, but that looks hard...lol.

Last week, I was honored to help raise money for two worthy causes, which were both smashing successes. At The Bee Hive, with Kim and Blissie, I worked two nights to raise money for Relay For Life. The Date Auction was a blast, although I got so wound up I couldn't sleep and ended up missing work on Saturday....lol. Saturday night I DJ'd an hour for Blues For Autism, which was also a huge success. I want to thank Magi, Kim and Blissie for asking me to help. Hugs to you all, and I honor the love in your hearts that sparked this amazing week.

Bottom line? I've got some work to do to re-order my life. I've got things to do in RL that have been neglected. Yard work, inner work (meditation and yoga, etc) have taken a back seat and I must bring those back. I've been so unfocused, in RL and SL. Virtually no discipline and it shows. Instead of creating the world I want, I'm reacting to whatever happens. Story of my life. After I realized the possibilities in SL, I decided that I would use it to create, and then try to bring that also in to RL. I was successful for a while I think, but I've got off track recently. I think much of it has to do with stress and stuff that I have been ignoring. Well, I can ignore stuff for so long before it slaps me in the face and that is what happened this weekend.

And then there is the little issue of sleep, or lack thereof. I have got to get on a somewhat normal sleep schedule. Last week was devastating. In bed by midnight and up by 7am is my goal. God I love staying up late though. I think a lot of that has to do with my son being asleep and I can just really be by myself or with Jenda. Very selfish, I know.

Anyhoo, I'm posting a long and rambling blog, which should make Blissie happy...lol. See you laterz!!

My Job....depends on which day....

Your Job Satisfaction Level: 58%

Your job is about average. There are some parts you really enjoy, and some parts that stress you out. It's possible that you need a small change. Maybe you should switch companies or positions. It's also possible that you're simply burned out. No job is perfect, even a great one. Give yourself a personal day to think about your career goals - and if your current job is helping you achieve them.

Should You Get a New Job?

Fine And Mellow

I found this video yesterday. I have not been as utterly and completely blown away by a performance of any kind in a long, long time. There are two things about this clip that are very interesting. Actually there are more than two, but we'll keep it simple today. I'm playing this right now and I have this big grin on my face.



First off, this was recorded two years before Billie left us and she is in rough shape. Towards the end of her career, her voice was not what it once was, but she had lost none of her ability to sing, and by sing I mean transmit through her voice to us feeling even the essence of the song. In the words of Gary Giddins, "Her voice was frayed in those last years, but she communicated more deeply than ever, making banal songs more urgent and the good ones radiant." Miles Davis said, "I'd rather hear her now (1958.) She's become much more mature. Sometimes you can sing words every night for five years, and all of a sudden it dawns on you what the song means....So with Billie, you know she's not thinking about now what she was in 1937, and she's probably learned more about different things."

She can say more with one single word and note, than most singers today can in a whole song. I love watching her face, at times peaceful, at times you can see her thinking and listening, even working the song in her head. And I absolutely love the way she watches the soloists, truly appreciating their playing, even adoring in the case of Lester Young and Ben Webster. But behind the joy of her singing and her appreciation of her bandmates, there is a deep sadness and a hint of desperation in her eyes. I watch this video with joy and despair, having been in her shoes, at least partially. Her story is worse than my own, as I did not grow up as she did. Her childhood was horrible, and I cannot claim that, but I went through addiction so I share that with her. The joy comes from the music and from her sheer brilliance and artistry, and that of her bandmates.

And the second part of this video that is astounding her is band. Imagine a concert with Clapton, Jeff Beck, Jimmy Page, Paul McCartney and Rick Wakeman backing up the singer. I'm sure I could come up with a better analogy, but the lineup is obscene. The first pair of solos is taken by tenor saxmen Coleman Hawkins and Lester Young. After another verse, trombone player Vic Dickenson and baritone sax player Gerry Mulligan take turns. The final pair of soloists are Ben Webster on tenor sax and Roy Eldridge turning in a blistering trumpet solo. Watch Billie's face, particularly during the solos of Lester and Ben. Lester is amazing in his solos simplicity, yet deep bluesy feeling.

I share this with you in hopes you may enjoy it too. I would encourage watching this in it's entirety if you listened while reading. Go back and watch....oh, Lord....I'm being bossy, huh? Just a suggestion...lol. And I have one more quote about Lady Day in her last years....

"I feel there is no one in jazz who can come close in terms of emotional penetration to the Holiday on these tracks (referring to her last albums.) For those who say they liked the youthful Holiday and don't dig Billie in middle age, I would suggest they not abandon these records yet, and instead save them for their own middle age." - Nat Hentoff

All that jazz........

Life is so amazing. You can be minding your own business, and something jumps up and grabs you. Or maybe something jumps up and smacks you and says, "Hey!! Where the hell you been?" Well, SL is the same. And here is another example....

A few weeks ago, I went with Jenda to hear a friend of ours DJ some blues. Bill actually played "real" jazz. Now, I'm sure most of you have been to jazz clubs in SL and I have too. The music is nice and romantic and great to dance to. But, for the most part, it's not jazz. Frank Sinatra was a great singer, but really didn't do jazz. Billie Holiday sang jazz. Don't get me wrong, many of the clubs there are fun and very nice to go to, but Bill and I started talking and he wanted to open a club where he could play the real deal. I agreed. About this same time, someone contacted me about DJing some jazz at a club she managed. So I started DJing at JD's Jazz & Blues for the owners and for Parker. Talk about synchronicity or serendipity.....two different events occurring within days to lead me to where I need to go.

The thing is, I used to listen to jazz a lot, and I had quite a good collection on vinyl. After selling most of my albums during my addiction, I recovered most on CD, but still have a ways to go. I have not listened to jazz hardly at all in years though, only when it comes up randomly on my stream. So Bill decided to open this club and I'm involved in that with him, along with Jenda. And it has been amazing for me spiritually. There is not another form of music that I know of that is as rich creatively as jazz. It's one thing to write a great song, and go into a studio and perform and record it. There may be some improvisation during the solos or some vocal embellishment here and there. In jazz, you have a few guys (or gals) who may just have a general outline of what they're playing. And they just wing it....and I know that's oversimplifying, but it is so amazing to hear it done well. The thing about jazz is, they players aren't just playing what's in their heads, they are actively listening to each other, responding and playing off of each other. Listening is so important.

I really know so little about jazz. I know what I love. I cannot speak eloquently about it as I would like. I know that when I hear Horace Silver play Song For My Father, I get chills every time, particularly when I hear Joe Henderson's tenor sax solo. I know that EVERY time I hear Miles Davis and his sextet play So What, I'm utterly blown away....by every note...it's perfection. I know that when I hear Scott LaFaro and Bill Evans play together, I'm witnessing a psychic connection that I'm honored to be able to share in. I am humbled by these musicians, for what they achieved cannot be matched in any other genre of music, or possibly any art. And this is art...the height of creativity. There are so many aspects....Stanley Turrentine's tone, John Coltrane's epic virtuosity, Charlie Parker's...well, Bird did everything....lol. Listen to Miles Davis play anything. He doesn't fill your ears with notes, like Coltrane might, but he understood better than anyone, the spaces between the notes and that they were also part of the music. Listen to Billie Holiday's phrasing....I cannot explain what she does well. All I know is that I hear someone who has better pipes (think Christina Aguilera) and how they have no idea how to get to the soul....the heart of a song. Most pop stars today really need to listen to Billie and Miles, and stop with the lame embellishments. (Beyonce and Christina, this means you)

I'll close by saying, this is one more thing that SL has added to me life. Or rather, somthing that SL has reminded me of....brought me back to. I've played more jazz in the past weeks than I have in years. And my life is richer for it....my heart is fuller...my soul, happier. Thank you to Parker and Bill, and to Jenda for encouraging me.

I'm laughing inside because yesterday, I started out DJing blues at Not Too Hot, then played pop/rock at the Hive, and finished up last night with Jazz at The Savoy. I can't keep this up too long, as I'll get burned out, but damn it has been fun. I would like you all to join us sometime at the Savoy Club. This is Bill's baby, and I'm happy to be along for the ride. Please join us. If you love jazz, this is the place for you. If you want to learn about it, we can help...heehee. I should say, Bill can. He's extremely knowledgeable. Personally, I need to do my research better. I've caught myself announcing incorrect personnel on song....the horror. And jazz is about the players, so I need to make sure I get that right...lol.

Hi! My name is Aeryn......

.....and I am Crighton's alt.

;-)

Where do I begin....


Months ago, I was dicking around with some friends at Sporks and I donned my Head Nurse avatar, which I will not show here, as she causes blindness and mental illness. My friends, well, they were less than kind. And I decided that I would show them, by turning that big, hidddeous creature into a ravishing beauty. Eventually, this became a battle that lasted after that party was over. And it continued on for weeks. At that point I didn't have an alt, it was just Crighton being a girl. But one night, a couple of friends encouraged me and I created an alt. Aeryn Lovenkraft. What started as a joke became somewhat of an obsession and a battle, me against the SL female form. Once I got her shape the way I wanted, and I had found the skin that worked with her, I started shopping! And, the rest is history. Shopping for guys stuff on SL is so freaking boring. But man, let me start shopping for Aeryn, and I could go all night. And then I started hair shopping. And then I fell in love with boots. All kinds of boots. And I discovered something. I actually had a good eye for fashion and hair and boots. I will admit, I just don't have the patience and the time to accessorize properly. Shoot me, okay?

Part of why I created Aeryn was to create some space for me. It was a kind of selfish way to have some time alone and to do something different. A weird thing happened along the way. I went to a live music event and some guy started chatting and, well, you know. He liked me...lol. At this point, I realized I had to figure out a way to deal with amorous fellas. I toyed with the idea of dating, but realized I could not do it. It felt wrong and dishonest. I put myself in the guy's shoes and if that were me, I would be pissed! I was willing to consider dating, just for the experience, but I could not deal with the repercussions of possibly hurting someone else, and as I said, it just felt dishonest. It's one thing to innocently socialize and shop, but quite another to get involved with someone.

So Aeryn is a virgin. Sadly. I may one day log both her and Crighton in and go ahead and fuck myself silly. There may be another post in that for you guys, huh? Pics too? :-)

It has been interesting to say the least. I've noticed that Aeryn seems to have her own personality when I settle in to SL with her. I'm very proud of how she looks and dresses. I have been ridiculed for a couple of my outfits, but I think there may be jealousy at work there. You know how women are. :-D I'm sure that some will run with this revelation and think the worst. I ended up being introduced to a friend the other night and had to let him know who I was before it got weird. I also had a bit of fun last week by logging both Crighton and Aeryn on and wearing the same shape, skin, hair, and outfit and hung out at the Bee Hive together. That was fun, once everyone figured out what the fuck I was doing.


I realize this post has been horribly disjointed, and I'm sorry for that. I'm not redoing it though..lol. Lots going on today. Why is this so much fun for me? I have no idea, really. I love the playing and shopping parts. I have got a kick out of the occasion idiot asking me to "make sexy" with him. I have had an old friend of Crighton's get fresh with me, which I would feel bad about if the guy wasn't such a dickhead. It's been enlightening and somewhat confusing at times. I have very much enjoyed hanging out with various female friends of mine, acting as they do...as much as I can, that is. I thank them for humoring me. I have had a blast hanging out with my wife from time to time.....we're so good together. It's been refreshing. I've had fun shopping with Joonie and I even enjoyed being chastised for my occasional wardrobe mis-steps. I know that some think I'm strange, but you know what? I'm not hurting anyone and I'm just exploring and having fun. Today, I spent a decent chunk of time picking out the outfits in these pics and uploading them. Why? I don't know...maybe I'm looking for some type of approval and acceptance. I am proud of Aeryn, and I guess I wanted to show her off. I hope you like her. If you see her/me out and about, say Hi and maybe we'll shop together! This last pic is of me and Joonie on her skybox after a night of AO shopping and terraforming. Yes, we are a couple of versatile babes!! And we look good doing it to! And by doing it I mean terraforming and shopping. I'm not THAT lucky....yet!

;-)

You Say It's Your Rez Day......

.....It's My Rez Day Too, Yeah!!

One year ago today I made my first appearance on Second Life. My first exposure to SL was watching my wife have lesbian sex with some unknown avi while some pervert guy watched...lmao. I thought to myself, "This isn't The Sims...." And when she talked me in to joining, it was merely temporary, so she could get her 1000L referral fee. After logging in, I was quickly bored. I visited a sex club, and saw....noobie sex going on, which bored me. I walked around a lot, and was bored. And then I started searching for stuff. Very shortly, I found some live music events that were pretty good. Then I found one, Juel Resistance, that was very good. And on my first Saturday on SL, I found an AA meeting, which blew me away. Not only was it a good meeting, but there were genuinely great people there, which knowing AA's is not surprising. I realized then and there that this was not what I thought it was. I also realized that after toying around with the idea of being a character, that I would be myself.

Since then, I have fallen in love, become a decent DJ, bought land, had my heart broken in tiny pieces, made a ton of outstanding friends, been through a most frustrating experience with another person, been a complete asshole, made amends for that, bought more land, started creating, served in AA in SL,and who knows what is next. I've learned much about myself, good and bad. I've been a complete dick and a saint. I turned into a female avi as a joke and had so much fun that I created an alt who is sexy and beautiful, and no, she does not have sex with boys. That's just too weird for me. :-) And, yes, there will be a post on that "development" coming up. I will introduce you to Aeryn. ;-)

SL has, at times, swallowed up my RL. I am an addict, and I admit that. I'm grateful that I am aware of that and that when I go over the edge, I eventually catch myself and can pull back. I admit that if I could make a living, a RL living, on SL, I would do so in a heartbeat. I would love to own sims and to learn how to create and build and script. I would love to make a decent sex bed with great poses...lol. I would love to get involved in the SL music scene and promote artists who are talented and might not have the opportunity to play in RL.

I see so many possibilities in SL. That is part of what makes it so attractive. Maybe it's because I have become somewhat jaded in RL and I don't see those possibilities in the rush and clatter of everyday RL. And maybe, just maybe, SL can rekindle the co-creator in me that I know exists....that child of God, the "image and likeness" that can create the life in RL that I want. Abundance and love and joy. I get those now and then in RL, but it's not where I live. Maybe SL can help me find that, and if it does, then it is truly a magickal place, and not just an escape from RL. But maybe it can become a catalyst.

I am creating, or re-creating my island to help me in that venture. It is to be a spiritual place, that I will carry with me into RL, and that also comes from RL. Meditation, yoga, tai chi, Magick, love and joy and beauty. And I want to share it with you.

So Happy Rez Day to me.

*wishes and blows out the candles*