Alts And The Games They Play

First off, yes, I do have an alt. There was a time that Aeryn was pretty much a secret to most everyone. The reason for this I've mentioned in a previous blog entry, but, short and sweet, I wanted an alt to help find some quiet time on the grid due to various reasons. Also, to be honest, I created a female alt, because I had changed gender as Crighton and found it oddly fascinating. When my alt was pretty much a secret, I rarely brought her around to places and people I knew, because it felt uncomfortable to me. I felt like I was being dishonest and sneaky. It especially felt funny to me when I had male friends get "friendly" with Aeryn. I placed myself in their shoes and didn't like it one bit. So I kept away. Over a period of months, I let more and more friends in on my eccentric little "secret" and finally outed Aeryn on this blog. I also pretty much let all my close friends know about her, and didn't make much of an effort to keep it secret anymore. When I go somewhere, as Aeryn, that Crighton frequents, most people there know me. If someone gets friendly and I know them as Crighton, I tell them who I am, apologize for any weirdness and move on from there. In other words, I try to be honest.

Last night, at two of my gigs, we had a visitor at each one and the "alt radar" in some of us went off. I'm not paranoid about alts, as I have one and use her often and understand why some people do this. I have no problem with it as long as it's innocent and not manipulative. One of these "visitors" seemed to know more than I thought possible on a first meet and a flag went up. On one hand, I was amused, thinking, "who is this and what are they up to?" On the other hand, their was some tame flirting and I was wondering, if this is an alt of someone I know, what is their motivation? I understand that there is a possibility that the person was not an alt and maybe more perceptive than the average person, but what if...?

I'm not a fan of any type of manipulation, although I have to admit that being human, I've engaged in the behavior myself. I love alts, I really do. I know people on SL with multiple alts and used correctly they can be a lot of fun. I know that Aeryn has taught me a lot about myself, both good and bad. I have mad fashion skills that I never knew I had, and I, at one time, engaged in spying using Aeryn before she was "known." I'm not proud of that, so it is with amusement that I raise some of these questions, knowing I'm not lily white and innocent. You're shocked, aren't you? :-)

You Know What I Mean?

That Lonely Sinking Feeling

She says, "I'm getting that lonely sinking feeling,
you know what I mean?"
With his hand on her back he's thinking,
"Where does that leave me?"
"Just when I think I've uncovered the secret
to peace and tranquility
that lonely sinking feeling creeps up on me."

He says, "I'm seeing those doubt filled
questioning eyes
and I can't believe it's true."
With her head in her hands she sighs,
"It's me, not you."
"Just when I thought that I'd discovered the joy
of loving one so completely
that lonely sinking feeling creeps up on me."

Here in this silent room we wait on ancient ritual.
Staring at our hearts
as if they were two caged animals.
If I am the first to unlock those rusty doors
will I be the first found bleeding on the floor?

She says, "I'm getting that lonely sinking feeling,
you know what I mean?"
With his hand on her back he's thinking,
"Where does that leave me?"
"Just when I think I've uncovered the secret
to peace and tranquility
that lonely sinking feeling creeps up on me.
Just when I thought that I'd discovered the joy
of loving one so completely
that lonely sinking feeling creeps up on me.
that lonely sinking feeling creeps up on me."

- Michael Timmins (Cowboy Junkies)