You Say It's Your Rez Day......

.....It's My Rez Day Too, Yeah!!

One year ago today I made my first appearance on Second Life. My first exposure to SL was watching my wife have lesbian sex with some unknown avi while some pervert guy watched...lmao. I thought to myself, "This isn't The Sims...." And when she talked me in to joining, it was merely temporary, so she could get her 1000L referral fee. After logging in, I was quickly bored. I visited a sex club, and saw....noobie sex going on, which bored me. I walked around a lot, and was bored. And then I started searching for stuff. Very shortly, I found some live music events that were pretty good. Then I found one, Juel Resistance, that was very good. And on my first Saturday on SL, I found an AA meeting, which blew me away. Not only was it a good meeting, but there were genuinely great people there, which knowing AA's is not surprising. I realized then and there that this was not what I thought it was. I also realized that after toying around with the idea of being a character, that I would be myself.

Since then, I have fallen in love, become a decent DJ, bought land, had my heart broken in tiny pieces, made a ton of outstanding friends, been through a most frustrating experience with another person, been a complete asshole, made amends for that, bought more land, started creating, served in AA in SL,and who knows what is next. I've learned much about myself, good and bad. I've been a complete dick and a saint. I turned into a female avi as a joke and had so much fun that I created an alt who is sexy and beautiful, and no, she does not have sex with boys. That's just too weird for me. :-) And, yes, there will be a post on that "development" coming up. I will introduce you to Aeryn. ;-)

SL has, at times, swallowed up my RL. I am an addict, and I admit that. I'm grateful that I am aware of that and that when I go over the edge, I eventually catch myself and can pull back. I admit that if I could make a living, a RL living, on SL, I would do so in a heartbeat. I would love to own sims and to learn how to create and build and script. I would love to make a decent sex bed with great poses...lol. I would love to get involved in the SL music scene and promote artists who are talented and might not have the opportunity to play in RL.

I see so many possibilities in SL. That is part of what makes it so attractive. Maybe it's because I have become somewhat jaded in RL and I don't see those possibilities in the rush and clatter of everyday RL. And maybe, just maybe, SL can rekindle the co-creator in me that I know exists....that child of God, the "image and likeness" that can create the life in RL that I want. Abundance and love and joy. I get those now and then in RL, but it's not where I live. Maybe SL can help me find that, and if it does, then it is truly a magickal place, and not just an escape from RL. But maybe it can become a catalyst.

I am creating, or re-creating my island to help me in that venture. It is to be a spiritual place, that I will carry with me into RL, and that also comes from RL. Meditation, yoga, tai chi, Magick, love and joy and beauty. And I want to share it with you.

So Happy Rez Day to me.

*wishes and blows out the candles*

Friends

I've been thinking about friends lately, and SL friends in particular. When I first logged in to SL, I did not expect to find people that were so dang cool, and smart, and funny, and....exasperating! I really didn't know what I would find, and I wasn't sure who I wanted to be on here. I thought it was just a game. How wrong I was. Within a week, I found a very cool live music scene and I also found Alcoholics Anonymous. I hadn't been to a meeting in a long time, although I had been sober for almost sixteen years last year at this time. When I found AA on SL, I realized that who I wanted to be on SL was myself, and I would try my best to be me.....the REAL me. And I've done pretty well with that, with some minor bumps along the road.

That being said, I've also found friends, who on the whole, tend to be real also. How do I know that? Well, it is SL and we really can't be sure, but then can we really be sure in RL? I mean really, there are con artists in RL too, who lie and cheat and manipulate us, just as in SL. The way I deal with that is to ignore it. I can't let the fear of someone who is not real with me dominate my SL. If they are playing me, that will come out. Their true colors will show, eventually. I prefer to think the best of people until they prove me otherwise, and I have been pleasantly surprised, time and time again. I started off with mostly AA friends, because of our common bond. Then I got involved with DJing and that became a great source of friends through our common love of music.

I know consider myself very, very lucky and I'm so grateful for the friends I have met. I have friends who I've been able to share pretty much everything with about my SL and much of my RL also. I've got friends who do not hesitate to give me a hug, pray for me, give me gifts, spank my butt....even an occasional kiss. And, sometimes, more importantly, they slap me upside the head and tell me to wise up or stop being an ass. I'm grateful for all this...maybe not when I get that slap to the head, but after, I see why and I see that I needed it.

I have a rather large friends list. I do not hesitate to ask a new person in AA for friendship, but I am a bit slower out of AA, and there is a reason for that. In AA, it is imperative to be able to help someone and to show support because of the gravity of the situation. Outside of AA, I usually wait for something to click. It can be a single line that shows a common bond (again) or it can be a series of conversations that lead me to believe that we should be friends. Sometimes I know someone for quite a while and realize, "why is this person not on my friends list?" I sometimes forget or assume they're already there. I very rarely decline a friendship offer, even though lately I've had two complete strangers offer it. I figure, it doesn't hurt and it's just being nice. If we never talk again, eventually I'll drop them. Not out of anger, but because it's prudent to not have a friends list that's so huge I can't keep track of my real friends.

One more thing.....broken friendships. I've known people who are so quick to take people off their list. "She said something mean to me so I took her off my list..." Oh come on...grow up. I can honestly say, I've never taken anyone off my friends list...as Crighton that is. I do have an alt that I keep friends with only a few people. It's my getaway thing...so I treat her a bit differently than Crighton. I should qualify that if I add or am added as a friend to someone and we never talk for months, I will remove that person....just because there is no point. Especially if they're in a group I'm in and I see they haven't been online for months. But out of anger? Never. I've had people take me off their list a few times. Most of the time, I go to that person and try to work out whatever happened. Sometimes they were mad or upset, and a couple times it was just a mistake or misunderstanding. Everytime that has happened I have been able to work through it, with two exceptions. And those two exceptions are....well, it's a tough situation and both people have shown no desire to try to work things out with me and whoever else was involved. In fact, one of the people regularly posts hateful, childish garbage on his profile. It got so bad that I just don't even look anymore. It has become a waste of time and energy. I just don't need people like that in my life at this time...or any time for that matter.

The one problem I do have with that is this.....if this person regularly posts such hateful stuff on his profile, why have none of our "mutual" friends confronted him and called him out on it? Do they think it's funny? Do they just think, "well, that's just ********...it's none of my business" Because I will tell you this, if someone that knows you posts hateful stuff about you on their blog or profile, they will hear about it from me. I will not stand by and let my friends be abused and do nothing. This bothers me, because what I see is someone who is actively projecting hatred publicly towards someone I care deeply about, and there are mutual friends who do nothing about it. I personally don't care if these comments are directed at me...and I'm quite sure they are. I feel pity for him. I have grown past the anger stage and am not wasting any more time on it. I just have a hard time....well, I guess I just don't want that type of person around me. There are times I wonder how others can read a profile like that and think that it's okay.

Wow...I guess I'm a little resentful about that, huh? Hmmmmmmm.....well, more prayer and forgiveness is obviously needed here....lol. That diatribe aside, my SL friendships have been incredible. I consider myself the luckiest avi in SL. And it's not because I'm a decent DJ or a good AA or I have a nice island (which needs work!) I am lucky because of my friends, and I'm grateful for all of you. Especially those of you who read this entire book of a post!

:-D

Happy Valentine's Day!!

Your Candy Heart Says "First Kiss"

You're a true romantic who brings an innocent hope to each new relationship. You see the good in every person you date, and you relish each step of falling in love. Your ideal Valentine's Day date: a romantic dinner your sweetie cooks for you Your flirting style: friendly and sweet What turns you off: cynics who don't believe in romance Why you're hot: you always keep the romance alive

What Does Your Candy Heart Say?

I am not, nor have I ever been "normal".....

You Are Fairly Normal

You scored 50% normal on this quiz Like most people you are normal in some ways... But you aren't a completely normal person. You're a little weird too! Why You Are Normal: You rather be screwed over than screw someone else over You prefer ruffled potato chips You would rather be an astronaut than a movie star You prefer a good meal to a good nap You prefer the sun to the moon Why You Aren't Normal: You would not eat meat from a cloned animal You know a little about many subjects You don't keep up with your horoscope You'd rather have cockroaches than rats in your home If given the choice, you would choose to have more time over more money

What's Normal About You... And What's Not?

You Know What I Mean?

That Lonely Sinking Feeling

She says, "I'm getting that lonely sinking feeling,
you know what I mean?"
With his hand on her back he's thinking,
"Where does that leave me?"
"Just when I think I've uncovered the secret
to peace and tranquility
that lonely sinking feeling creeps up on me."

He says, "I'm seeing those doubt filled
questioning eyes
and I can't believe it's true."
With her head in her hands she sighs,
"It's me, not you."
"Just when I thought that I'd discovered the joy
of loving one so completely
that lonely sinking feeling creeps up on me."

Here in this silent room we wait on ancient ritual.
Staring at our hearts
as if they were two caged animals.
If I am the first to unlock those rusty doors
will I be the first found bleeding on the floor?

She says, "I'm getting that lonely sinking feeling,
you know what I mean?"
With his hand on her back he's thinking,
"Where does that leave me?"
"Just when I think I've uncovered the secret
to peace and tranquility
that lonely sinking feeling creeps up on me.
Just when I thought that I'd discovered the joy
of loving one so completely
that lonely sinking feeling creeps up on me.
that lonely sinking feeling creeps up on me."

- Michael Timmins (Cowboy Junkies)

Enjoying the beauty of life.....

Sometimes I really need to stop and really look at my life objectively. And I do mean RL and SL, as they are intertwined so deeply these days. It's easy to get caught up in what I think is wrong. It's easy to judge someone else who is acting like a twit or a child. And, that does me no good. I come back to myself and what is important. I stop and pet my dog, or kiss my son and/or wife....I hug a friend. I stop and watch the sun rise and just breathe. Or maybe I just breathe.....

That heaven that I so desperately long for is always right here, in my heart. It's doesn't happen after I die....why wait until then for happiness....one of the big lies of religion. Just breathe.....

It's so sad to watch someone else self-destruct and try to destroy others. It's sad to watch someone refer to other human beings as cancer. I understand how easy it is to demonize another human being. It makes it easy for us to justify anything that we do. Since they are evil, we can do what we want. In RL we kill them, in SL we orbit them. They have nothing to offer us, so we discard them. I'm glad that I can see in myself what I hate in others and work on that rather than pretending that I'm better than you are. Because I am not. I'm just another child on the bus. But there comes a time when I have to realize that this is not my problem anymore and all I can do is be the best person I can be. And just breathe.......

I"m glad I have the friends I do have today. I am glad I do not have any enemies...no one to discard or throw away. I'm glad that I have the ability to be able to approach someone I have wronged and make amends for what I have done wrong. And I'm glad that I can forgive those who have hurt me, without asking for anything in return. As my second sponsor used to say, "Forgiveness is for giving." Give it away...free of charge. Please. It's not for them, it's for us.

For you, my friends, I love you all. I really do. I'm talking Second Life now, of course. You have made my life richer and more full. For those of you who would like me to fail, to hurt....I love you to and wish you the best. We're not so much different as we would like to think we are.

Just breathe......