Sick....blech!

I've been sick for three days now.....eeek. Kind of a mild flu thing. You know I'm not right when I don't log in to SL until almost 4pm. I sat on the couch and took it easy for most of the day. I got a live singer lined up for next Friday though! The fabulous Inchino Melson will be singing at the Savoy Jazz Club next Friday at 2pm! I'm very excited. This is my first real project in the Savoy other than DJing and lending my sparkly personality to the club. She will be fabulous, I'm sure!

Other than that, I'm really being kind of scarce on SL this week. Next week, I need to get Aeryn busy on some new shapes and putting some freebies out in the shop. I also need to actually put furniture in my new house....lol. I'm such a slacker.

Oh well, I'm off the shop...RL that is. Groceries, in case you are thinking something exciting. See you next week!!

Monk

Thelonius Monk performing 'Round Midnight with his quartet. Nice tenor sax by Charlie Rouse!

Second Life....Practical Purposes?

When I started in Second Life, I was wide eyed with the possibilities, not just from a practical point of view...making money, creating stuff, meeting people..etc. From a spiritual point of view, I immediately sense possibilities beyond the simple. From a spiritual viewpoint, I realized that I could create the Second Life that I wanted. My world, my imagination, right?

I thought that I could create the SL I wanted and maybe find a way to translate that to my RL. I started DJing, which with my love of music is a perfect job for me, and hoped that somehow I could move in that direction in RL. I bought up some land and built a beautiful retreat with meditation spots and tai chi balls and lots of trees and water, in hopes that I could move that into my RL, not the objects, but the spirituality and the feeling. I became outgoing and, for the most part, a pretty good friend to a lot of people. I got involved in AA in SL and hoped that would move in to my RL as well. I was successful financially, which was huge!

All of these things have helped in varying degrees. But what shocked me is that much of my RL crept into SL. I started becoming too busy. I was irresponsible financially and spent more than I made...ugggh! I was very unfocused and undisciplined. Now I know that SL should be fun, and it is, but even my fun was......irresponsible and scattered.

I have taken some steps that have helped me immensely. I have stopped taking on more responsibility for the time being. I have spent more time in RL getting things organized and keeping up with RL chores, etc. I have also spent some time in RL doing fun stuff, as SL was all my fun for a long time. And, now, I'm at another crossroads. Where do I go from here? Second Life is more than I ever imagined it could be, and that is largely due to the people I have met. They have supported me and loved me. They have pushed me and helped to wake me up, even when I just wanted to roll over and sleep some more. They have pissed me off and showed me parts of myself I didn't want to acknowledge. And we have this amazing platform to meet these people, so different and yet the same, and live and learn together. So, again, where do I go from here?

At one time, I was on the right track. I was using SL to evolve in my life, but life is like gravity sometimes. And so is my ego, always wanting to drag me back to the comfortable...the known. I believe in archetypes....those supposedly mythical figures in literature and film that are larger and life. Aragorn and Gandalf from Lord Of The Rings. Tristan and Isoldt. King Arthur. Buddha and Jesus. All archetypes that we have inside us...living and breathing as though they are here now, in the flesh. That story that really speaks to us? What character is in it that is so powerful and that I relate to so well....that I wish I was maybe? That archetype is inside me awaiting my calling, to guide me. I think, in a sense, Crighton and Aeryn are archetypes. Last week at work, I was having a rough morning and was feeling quite sad and almost hopeless, and in my mind, I saw Aeryn with her hand on my back, and things got better. I felt a strength and compassion....coming from within. WTF?...lol. And it seems, that if my avis come from me...are created by me, when something happens like that, they are more alive...more me that I realize. If I'm open to it, of course. I've felt that way about certain characters before...female ones. Arwen in LOTR was a very powerful character. Aeryn Sun in Farscape is the epitome of a strong female...an amazing archetypal character, which is obvious I would feel that way as I picked her name for my alt. Aeryn is sometimes a much more powerful avi for me to be due to this, I think. A lot of people think that I want to be a girl, I would guess. Not the case at all. I'm not sure why I love logging in as her, half the time. I would say that in a totally non spiritual way, I am narcissistic and love looking at my totally hot female creation!! :-D

Seriously again....getting away from all that, which I'm sure has confused you as much as it has me writing it. Musically, I have decided that I need to take a look at what I do for a living, and how to incorporate what I love into it. I love music, with all my being. It is where my heart is...my soul...my spirit. And, in particular, jazz has really taken a hold of me. I have a decent knowledge of it...the basics. And, oddly enough, Second Life has given me this gift. If it were not for SL, I would not have found jazz again, although I have no doubt it would have found me....lol. I was thinking yesterday, that I would like to pursue this avenue in my life. I think about me sitting behind a mic playing jazz, and occasionally talking about it and I think that would be heaven. I would have to be more professional than I am obviously, but I've always been able to do what I want when I love what I'm doing, more or less. Is there really a demand for this though? This is not pop or rock music, and I'm not doing smooth jazz....eeek! So, I've decided to put the key in this door, and i"m looking through the peep hole to see what's there....probably a couple more doors...lol. So I'm thinking of investigating some of the radio stations here in town, the smaller ones. I know one that plays jazz, at least one. And where do I go from there? I have no fucking idea....but I need to at lest look and see....

Miles Davis - So What

Incredible youtube of Miles Davis Quintet performing So What. John Coltrane with an unbelievable tenor sax solo, Wynton Kelly on piano, Paul Chambers on bass and Jimmy Cobb on drums. Classic. Jazz. Beautiful.

It's Tuesday.....

.....and I don't feel well. I'm not sick, but I don't feel well.

;-)

That is actually a running joke between my wife and I. And it is true to some extent. Every Tuesday I feel this way. Part of it is due to my crazy work schedule where I work a full work week in three days on Saturday, Sunday and Monday. By Monday night, I'm dead tired, but also want to unwind on SL some and usually end up consuming too much caffeine and staying up too late, which I did both last night.

So I'm just off today. Jake hasn't seen me for three days and he's all over me. Jen is having a tough time and she wants and needs me. And I'm just fucking tired and want some alone time. I'm selfish, I know.

I was talking with Yordie last night about being stretched too thin. I have so much that I want to do, and so little time it seems sometimes. Added to what I need to do around the house and.....I'm stressed and crabby. Overwhelmed at times. So...how did I get 17 years sober in recovery and be so shitty at priorities and setting boundaries?

I woke up and did what I normally do on Tuesdays.....got everyone set with breakfast and then watched Jazz. I'm so glad that SL has re-introduced me to jazz. First it was the blues and now jazz. Well, first it was AA....SL is really quite amazing, if you keep your eyes open. I've really developed a renewed appreciation for this music, particularly Louis Armstrong, Duke Ellington, Count Basie, and of course, Billie Holiday. The spirit and soul of this music is deeper than any I've experienced. The art is more intricate and complex. The individuality is breath-taking. There is nothing like it in our world. Sure, there is improvisation in blues and rock. Sure there is amazing melodies in classical and pop. But nowhere is....I can't even explain it. It's jazz. Swing, blues, individuality, communication, stories, contention, love, healing, life, death, virtuosity, rawness and atonement. Jazz. I love rock, but rock without blues is dead to me. I love blues, as blues is steeped in my favorite music. But jazz....is in my soul right now. I see a world in absolute chaos, inhabited by human beings, many of whom are either too stupid or self-centered to realize that we are headed towards annhilation. Our spirits are being crushed under the weight of our own unwillingness to fight for what's important...and we are allowing this. And jazz calls to me, to be myself, to communicate, to acknowledge honestly how I feel and to take action, first for myself and my family, and next for mankind. Billie tells me of Strange Fruit...injustice and hatred....and then she tells me of Love and Hope, in the midst of my own feelings of despair. Miles tells me....to pick my activities....that music is not just notes, but the spaces between the notes...and my life is not just activity, but spaces between activities. Bird tells me that, not only should I do whatever I do as well as I can, but remember the feeling in what I do. Virtuosity is not enough, without feeling.....not just the letter of the Law, but the Spirit. Trane reminds me to never forget my spirit....never forget A Love Supreme. Monk tells me to be myself...express myself...create myself. And Louis....Louis tells me that in the midst of my Blues...that that there is always hope and joy and love.

What a wonderful world.....Jazz

Leaving Las Vegas....

...or leaving Second Life.

No, I'm not leaving, but this post is about other people leaving. A friend of mine left SL the other day. It was kind of surprising and abrupt, at least to me. But then I'm not a close friend so maybe it was in the works for a while. Dixon sent out a notice that basically said due to RL he was retiring from SL. I have heard of people leaving SL, but they're usually back quite soon. I've heard of people taking breaks, and sometimes it works out and sometimes not.

We talk of relationships as though they are only with other human beings. But we have a relationship with everything we can interact with. We can RELATE with people, pets, possessions, SL avatars (which are really people whether we believe that or not,)and anything we interact with. Relationships change, because we change and because the thing we relate to can change. This applies to our relationship with Second Life itself, as well as all the avatars within Second Life. If I'm the type of person that gets bored easily, I may move on and leave SL just for that reason. I may also bounce from relationship to relationship in the same way. Sometimes the "other" in a relationship does not fulfill some need that we hoped it would. Of course this can be because we are asking too much or because the "other" has changed. We have a choice to either leave or to modify what we want from the "other." Sometimes our lives change and because of that, our relationship changes. Apparently, Dixon's RL has caused him to "retire" from SL, and I hope everything is okay and that he is okay.

I've heard a lot of stories and seen some pretty crazy things in SL, as far as this goes. I knew a person who faked their death so that they could get out of a SL relationship. They literally pretended to be their own spouse, and contacted someone in AA in SL to tell us that he had started drinking again and died drunk. We had a memorial service and everything. Later on, the story crept out that he had actually faked this RL death, so he could escape a relationship he was involved in, in SL. That is just insane. The word "coward" springs to mind immediately. I've heard of people who left SL and they friends and lovers to come back as an alt and start over again.

All this strikes a nerve in me, and upsets me greatly. Isn't it easier to just bite the bullet and tell the truth? The dishonesty and the running away is soooo much work, in the long run. And it shows such a lack of respect for everyone else, including the person doing the running. Sometimes it seems that many people think that just because we're not physically in the same room, that we can make allowances for our behavior and treat the other person disrespectfully because of that. That is what we call a rationalization.....a rationalization to be a self-centered prick. I can think of one person in particular right now this applies to, but I'll keep it to myself....for now.

I do want to emphasize that in no way am I saying that Dixon is doing any of these things. His actions, completely opposite and above board, just got me thinking. There are other instances recently that have got me thinking too and it all came to a head today. I, too, have not been on SL as much as I was before. I'm getting caught up in RL and making an effort to have some balance in my life.

It's very easy to suspect ulterior motives when one comes across actions that are just crazy, especially in SL. The doubt factor gets multiplied since we don't really see the other person. "Are they really who they say they are?" "What are they really up to?" "That alt reminds me of someone." It can make me crazy if I let it and if I entertain such thoughts for long. It's also a waste of mental energy, although the whole "is that an alt" conversations can be fun. ;-) So I have to go back to my old stand-by belief. Trust others (within reason) until they give me reason to not trust them. People are basically good and will live up to the expectations I place on them more often than not.

This has become a most rambling and incoherent post...lol. I hope your brain doesn't explode trying to read it.

ZOMFG!!!

Not that anyone will read this....I'm sure they've all given up on me. No hope left. Crighton will never blog.

Haaa!!!

First off, I apologize for the title of this post. I abhor most of those stupid internet geek terms....and I have no idea what the Z in ZOMG stands for. Probably Ztupid?

I have cut down on my SL time recently. A couple reasons, basically. One is that I need to get caught up in some RL stuff. I also need to take some RL time to take care of my spirit. And, to be honest, I was getting bored and SL was stale for me. I had one week where the only times I was logged in was to DJ, and to see friends in the evening. I watched a lot of Farscape and a couple movies. Spent time with Jake. Got some stuff cleaned up around the house and yard. It's all good.

Now, I need to get a few things caught up in SL that I've neglected. I started a business as Aeryn that I need to put some time and energy in. I also need to get my new home decorated and furnished, so it looks like home. I'm selling and/or abandoning my plots on my old land. The end of an era, I tell ya! And the start of a new one. :-D

Anyway, I'm going to make an effort to blog at least three times a week. Stop laughing!! Meanies.....

And if you're back, I thank you and applaud your patience.