When I started in Second Life, I was wide eyed with the possibilities, not just from a practical point of view...making money, creating stuff, meeting people..etc. From a spiritual point of view, I immediately sense possibilities beyond the simple. From a spiritual viewpoint, I realized that I could create the Second Life that I wanted. My world, my imagination, right?
I thought that I could create the SL I wanted and maybe find a way to translate that to my RL. I started DJing, which with my love of music is a perfect job for me, and hoped that somehow I could move in that direction in RL. I bought up some land and built a beautiful retreat with meditation spots and tai chi balls and lots of trees and water, in hopes that I could move that into my RL, not the objects, but the spirituality and the feeling. I became outgoing and, for the most part, a pretty good friend to a lot of people. I got involved in AA in SL and hoped that would move in to my RL as well. I was successful financially, which was huge!
All of these things have helped in varying degrees. But what shocked me is that much of my RL crept into SL. I started becoming too busy. I was irresponsible financially and spent more than I made...ugggh! I was very unfocused and undisciplined. Now I know that SL should be fun, and it is, but even my fun was......irresponsible and scattered.
I have taken some steps that have helped me immensely. I have stopped taking on more responsibility for the time being. I have spent more time in RL getting things organized and keeping up with RL chores, etc. I have also spent some time in RL doing fun stuff, as SL was all my fun for a long time. And, now, I'm at another crossroads. Where do I go from here? Second Life is more than I ever imagined it could be, and that is largely due to the people I have met. They have supported me and loved me. They have pushed me and helped to wake me up, even when I just wanted to roll over and sleep some more. They have pissed me off and showed me parts of myself I didn't want to acknowledge. And we have this amazing platform to meet these people, so different and yet the same, and live and learn together. So, again, where do I go from here?
At one time, I was on the right track. I was using SL to evolve in my life, but life is like gravity sometimes. And so is my ego, always wanting to drag me back to the comfortable...the known. I believe in archetypes....those supposedly mythical figures in literature and film that are larger and life. Aragorn and Gandalf from Lord Of The Rings. Tristan and Isoldt. King Arthur. Buddha and Jesus. All archetypes that we have inside us...living and breathing as though they are here now, in the flesh. That story that really speaks to us? What character is in it that is so powerful and that I relate to so well....that I wish I was maybe? That archetype is inside me awaiting my calling, to guide me. I think, in a sense, Crighton and Aeryn are archetypes. Last week at work, I was having a rough morning and was feeling quite sad and almost hopeless, and in my mind, I saw Aeryn with her hand on my back, and things got better. I felt a strength and compassion....coming from within. WTF?...lol. And it seems, that if my avis come from me...are created by me, when something happens like that, they are more alive...more me that I realize. If I'm open to it, of course. I've felt that way about certain characters before...female ones. Arwen in LOTR was a very powerful character. Aeryn Sun in Farscape is the epitome of a strong female...an amazing archetypal character, which is obvious I would feel that way as I picked her name for my alt. Aeryn is sometimes a much more powerful avi for me to be due to this, I think. A lot of people think that I want to be a girl, I would guess. Not the case at all. I'm not sure why I love logging in as her, half the time. I would say that in a totally non spiritual way, I am narcissistic and love looking at my totally hot female creation!! :-D
Seriously again....getting away from all that, which I'm sure has confused you as much as it has me writing it. Musically, I have decided that I need to take a look at what I do for a living, and how to incorporate what I love into it. I love music, with all my being. It is where my heart is...my soul...my spirit. And, in particular, jazz has really taken a hold of me. I have a decent knowledge of it...the basics. And, oddly enough, Second Life has given me this gift. If it were not for SL, I would not have found jazz again, although I have no doubt it would have found me....lol. I was thinking yesterday, that I would like to pursue this avenue in my life. I think about me sitting behind a mic playing jazz, and occasionally talking about it and I think that would be heaven. I would have to be more professional than I am obviously, but I've always been able to do what I want when I love what I'm doing, more or less. Is there really a demand for this though? This is not pop or rock music, and I'm not doing smooth jazz....eeek! So, I've decided to put the key in this door, and i"m looking through the peep hole to see what's there....probably a couple more doors...lol. So I'm thinking of investigating some of the radio stations here in town, the smaller ones. I know one that plays jazz, at least one. And where do I go from there? I have no fucking idea....but I need to at lest look and see....
2 years ago