Thursday, January 3, 2008

Crazy Or Hip?

Probably a bit of both. This is another introductory post, allowing you to know a bit more about me and my wacky SL...and almost equally wacky RL. ;-)

My RL wife and I have been on SL about the same length of time. When we started we had no idea what this crazy world would bring to our lives, and what we would bring to it...and to others.

Early on, I happened to meet someone who I wanted to know better. The feeling was mutual and we eventually fell for each other. In that process, my wife knew I was seeing her and was okay with it. My wife, Jenda, was also growing close to a friend of her's. We watched with interest what the other was doing, talked about it, and eventually we addressed the elephant in the room. What would be "okay" in our book? What would we allow the other to do? Would sex in SL with another person be cheating?

We eventually came to the agreement that we could do pretty much what we wanted in SL. Within reason. It is SECOND Life. My SL lover lived overseas, and that made it feel safer for me, as there would be no chance of falling in love and deciding to move I've since found that I can fall in love without having to leave my wife and son, but that was how I was thinking in the beginning. I didn't trust myself much. That "safeness" was a double edged sword, as we fell madly in love and I jumped in due to the safety factor. The hardest part of the whole affair with my wife was when she asked me if I loved Skinkie, to which I replied, Yes. It took us a few days to sort that out, and for her to be okay with it. She knew I was not flying off to England, and that no one was flying here to steal me away. But, it was still tough for Jenda, and I felt badly.

Of course, down the road, she fell for someone also, and the tables were turned. I felt that fear of losing her that I'm sure she felt before. But we worked through it, and when that relationship broke apart, I was there to help her through, just as she has done for me recently. Yes, my relationship with Skinkie ended, as I knew it would. We all want relationships to be forever.....permanent. Safe. And that is not possible, because nothing is permanent. Nothing. Buddhism 101! :-D

Jenda and I talked recently about why we do what we do on SL and whether it is healthy. Most people go to one extreme or the other, either saying it means nothing, it is just good sexy fun. The other side is that it's a horrible thing, that something has to be wrong with the marriage for this to happen. I believe it is a mixture of both and much in between. I'm aware that both of us are finding things in a SL relationship that we may not be finding at home. My gut feeling is that some of these could be remedied by us looking and making some changes. I'm also quite sure that we are finding things in SL, with our lovers, that we may not be able to find within each other. We are both very clear that we are not going anywhere. Sure, the thoughts surface, but then I have thoughts about ramming in idiot on the highway with my car too, and that hasn't happened, and it won't......I hope...hehe. The other thing that we have going for us, is most important. We are able to be completely honest with each other. Now, we don't share details about our....private moments. That's creepy....for everyone involved. But, we share honestly about how we feel about the other person, and what we are doing.....generally. It gets a bit uncomfortable at times, especially when something new comes up, but we're also to the point where there's not an awful lot of newness coming up, at least not in the generalities of it.

The weird part is we find ourselves sitting at the dinner table, discussing what we are doing with our SL partners, like it's another day at the office. I've had somewhat of an awakening within me that has been sparked by you lovely women in SL. While I'm aware that in SL we're all beautiful avatars, phsyically, I've had the pleasure of meeting absolutely fantastic women on SL. When I say that, I mean emotionally and intellectually and spiritually. I could fall in love with......lots of you. But then, maybe I fall in love too easily.....

So, on the whole, this whole SL relationship thing Jenda and I have wandered into has been eye-opening. It's been heartbreaking. It's been teaching me a lot about myself that I had not known, both good and bad. I'm not as virtuous as I had believed, and I'm not as bad as I fear I am. I'm just a guy, with a very cool and lovely RL wife, who lets me have fun and learn and grow.....and indulge my ego and indulge my libido.

(Speaking of libido, it has been pointed out to me correctly, that I know nothing of Blissie's libido. But I had to get her in my list somewhere....heehee.)


Bliss said...

Wait..what do you mean? You promised to move to New York and be my sugar daddy?! WHAT?!


But seriously..

I think it's cool..that you and Jenda can find that medium. Says more about you both than I think you realize. Imagine how many people are not so open about their SL behavior to their RL partners.

Okay, now I'm going back to work. You may return to your regularly scheduled program.

Crighton Johin said...

Thank you Bliss. We're lucky that way I guess, or some people think we're crazy I'm sure. Could be a bit of both.

And what? No comment on the libido? ;-)


Hugs, CJ

Bliss said...

I figured you just put that in there so Moo wouldn't shoot you..ROFL!