Monday, January 7, 2008

I remember better days.....

....lace in every window, and roses around the it says this property is condemned.

I am not sure what I want to blog about today, but that is the song that came up on my stream....random. Maria McKee. Love her first solo album.....very nice.

One of the tricky things about being sober.....and staying that way, and I'm talking about if you're an alkie like me, is that I have to do certain things to stay that way. It requires a way of life that is contrary to what I used to live, and what many people live today. It is easy to become self-satisfied with that, to be self-righteous and full of pride about it. Bottom line is that I do it because I have to. Not all the time mind you, because that would still be coming from a very self-centered place, and I would not be sober today if I lived in that place consistently. For the most part, I do the right thing because I know it is the right thing to do. Most of the time, I do not expect a reward or an attaboy. Most of the time, I'm not doing it to save my ass.

I guess my point is, that one of my downfalls is that I expect other people to act the way I do. I expect other people to think like I do. I expect other people to "see the light" like I do. This can be in RL, and it can also be in SL. It can concern politics or religion or sports. Now, please do not thing that I do this constantly, because if I did, I would be the most miserable person around.

My previous post about SL relationships outlined my wife and I and how our relationship includes having a bit of fun on SL. This "fun" has also included many things, including sex, fun, falling in love and having our hearts broken. I would not trade my experiences for anything, on SL or RL. Every disastrous turn my RL took, whether due to my alcoholism and addiction, or just stupidity, has been part of what I turned into today. And although, I'm not perfect, I turned out pretty well.

So, now I've decided that other people in SL should adopt how I think about this whole deal. How crazy is that? I forget that we're all different, with different make-ups and different experiences. And in my assuming that someone else would come around to my way of thinking, I've hurt them. Much of this has to do with a hope that I could get what I selfish desires. Wishful thinking abounds in my stupid head sometimes......

Last thing I want to share, is there any doubt that life is just completely insane in the way things turn and twist. The road....I think I know where I'm going.....and i take a right.....and I get lost. I stumble off a cliff, or climb on a rollercoaster...and the ride is so exciting and thrilling and scary. It's dangerous and I know I should get off, but I don't, cause I'm too caught up. And I don't want to get off, to be honest. And the ride ends, and I realize that I'm not the only person who matters. And although, I didn't intend to hurt someone, I most surely did.

And then begins the next path....the next ride.....the next tree stump, asking to be sat upon, offering contemplation and reflection......


Jenda Starbrook said...

*pulls up a tree stump and sits down next to you to wait for the next path* This is what I love about you. Your ability to rise above it, admit your part and still be able to love life to it's fullest. You are an amazing person.

Joonie Jatho said...

I agree with Jenda. :)

**Big Hugs**


/me can't wait to see what's around the next corner in Crighton's SLife.

Crighton Johin said...

Thank you both. We'll's never dull, huh?

*big hugs to you both*